Friendship Circle Session I: Getting to know you, introduction to conflict resolution, and self evaluation

Transcription

1 Friendship Circle Session I: Getting to know you, introduction to conflict resolution, and self evaluation Materials: Talking stick/magic spoon/stuffed animal (keep for following sessions) Crayons/Markers/ Pencils 8x11 sheets of white paper Name tags Group Rules (keep for following sessions), Goals of Friendship circle, Rating Scale, Homework and Newsletter I (provided) Quieting Time: Introduce the idea that before each session is started, there will be two to ten minutes of quiet time where we will use yoga, meditation, and/or mindfulness breathing. For example, the leader might say, Please sit down on the floor/in your chairs and straighten up your spine. Imagine a string attached to the top of your head and you pull up on it. It pulls your spine straight and takes out the curve. Now your lungs can breathe more fully. Put your hands in your lap and slowly close your eyes. Let there be a slight smile on your face. Now slowly breathe in a deep full breath so all of your lungs are filled all the way down to your belly button. Hold that breath. Now slowly exhale. Imagine you are slowly blowing on a wind chime to make it sing to you. Repeat this four to six times. When we are done breathing, gradually open your eyes and remain still. Goals: Learn how to listen while another speaks Letting others know a little more about you Be introduced to the 5 Steps to Negotiation Homework Review: None this session. Activity 1: Discussion of Group Rules, review Goals of Friendship circle, and introduce Rating Scale: Use talking stick, etc., to indicate the person who has the floor to talk while others have to listen with eyes, ears and heart. o Listening with their heart implies with empathy and compassion. Explain what is meant by each end of the scale and ask students to rate themselves. When finished, collect sheets and tell them we will be doing this again during the last session. Activity 2. Have name tags and markers ready (or 3x5 cards to hang over their heads with string). o This really helps with groups who are new or don t see each other often. Go around circle and tell your name and a fruit or vegetable or animal that best represents who you are as a person, your likes, special qualities and special strengths. Have them practice passing the talking stick during this exercise.

2 Activity 3: Draw yourself, doing something with a friend that tells something special about you. When everyone is finished, have each student explain their picture to the others. Activity 4. Discussion of Conflict Resolution: The introduction of I-Statements, Negotiation and Mediation and Arbitration: The leader could follow a script similar to the one that follows, or they could make up their own: o A conflict is a disagreement between two or more people. Conflicts are Normal. o At our school peaceful resolution of conflict is the only ACCEPTABLE approach. o We will learn that there are tree (3) acceptable ways to resolve a conflict Negotiation, Mediation and Arbitration. o Review I-Messages: are brief sentences that tell someone how you feel. They help resolve conflicts (see enclosed I-message vignette). o Review basic steps to Negotiation and Mediation. If time merits could the previously trained student to role play I-statements, a Negotiation and a mediation. o Emphasize that prior to Negotiation and Mediation we need to calm our anger, hurt or upset feelings by Self Calming (taking time to cool down by deep breathing or walking it out ). o Ask students if they have any examples most recently where they could have used Negotiation or Mediation. o Highlight that if Negotiation or Mediation are not working, they can always have a teacher, parent or coach help Arbitrate. o Have students view a role-play of the use of I-statements and Negotiation and Mediation put on by two previously trained students, two Leaders, or a combination of Leader and Student (see vignettes from Session III). *Note to Leader: Based on the amount of time you have you could either present just an introduction to the three types of conflict resolution and wait until session three to do the Role Play or do both this session. Discussion: What did you learn new today? How could you apply what you learned today at home? At school? Any questions? Homework: 1. Think of a name for your group. Be prepared to work as a group to come up with a single name for your group. 2. Kindness: This week practice at least ONE Random Act of Kindness each day. Record it and have your parent or guardian sign work sheet (see enclosed Homework Handout I). 3. Send home Newsletter I. 4. Think of one situation at home and one situation at school that could use negotiation or mediation.

3 GROUP RULES ONLY THE PERSON WITH THE TALKING STICK OR SPOON GETS TO TALK BE A GREAT LISTENER WHEN OTHERS ARE TALKING GIVE SOMEONE ELSE A CHANCE TO TALK: PASS ON THE TALKING STICK OR SPOON REALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT OTHERS ARE TRYING TO SAY TO YOU LISTEN TO ALL IDEAS BEFORE MAKING A DECISION EVERYONE S INPUT IS IMPORTANT DECIDE ON A SOLUTION USING ALL THE PRESENTED IDEAS, SO EVERYONE FEELS LIKE PART OF THE SOLUTION ABOVE ALL HAVE FUN

4 GOALS OF FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE 1. Working as a Team Member Showing cooperation with other team members. Helping other team members vs. just helping yourself. Supporting and encouraging success for all team members in activities. Coming to mutual decisions which looks for all team members succeeding/accomplishing the goal. Looking out for the best interests of all members of your team. Including all team members in your decision-making process. Being able to reach a consensus with your team members. Being willing to participate by clearly stating your thoughts and feelings Speaking up. Being respectful of others ideas and feelings. 2. Learning Good Listening Skills Not speaking when someone else is speaking. Staying on the topic being discussed. Listening with your ears, eyes and heart. Being able to summarize what someone else just said. Not thinking of a response while someone else is speaking. 3. Empathy Being able to hear the feeling words someone else says. Being able to stand in the shoes of another and really understand/feel what they are saying/feeling. Being able to stop concentrating on your own feelings long enough to feel what another might be feeling. Being able to identify the feelings of another person from what they say how they act or how they look. Being able to read the meaning in the words and actions of another. 4. Practicing Peaceful Conflict Resolution in School Willingness to work all disagreements out in a peaceful way. Willingness to listen to the other person s side of the story. Willingness to look at new ways of solving a conflict or disagreement. Letting the resolution to a conflict/disagreement allow for both sides to feel like they won something. Using the Five Basic Steps to Successful Conflict Resolution. Not using verbal or physical violence as a solution. Not using blaming, criticism or name calling as a solution. 5. Practicing Cooperation and Peaceful Conflict Resolution Outside of SchoolPractices peaceful resolution of conflicts with brothers/sisters at home. Practices everyday with parents. Practices everyday with friends.practices at games and team sports practices.

5 RATING SCALE The purpose of this class is to assist you to develop certain how to skills which will enable you to be a peacemaker as well as be a loving, caring person toward others and yourselves. These basic skills are named on this paper with a brief description. The descriptions are followed by a rating scale from 0 (not helpful) to 10 (highly developed skill). We thought it would be a helpful to you to see if you ve made progress from the beginning to the end of the classes. Name: First Rating Final Rating GOOD LISTENER (Attentive to & open to other s communication with eyes, ears, mind, & heart.) EMPATHY (Ability to understand the thoughts and feelings of another & express them back in a way that the person experiences being understood.) LEADERSHIP (Works for the good of the group & each member of the group & includes everyone). TEAM PERSON (Includes the needs of the group along with one s own.) WIN/WIN PERSON (Works so that solutions to problems & clonflicts include the needs, outcomes, & interests of others as well as my own.)

6 PARTICIPATION (Awareness of own thoughts, feelings and needs & expresses them in a clear, no blaming way.) BALANCE BETWEEN PARTICIPATION & CONSIDERATION (A balance between the ability to express one s own thoughts, feelings and needs clearly and at the same time to give empathic and respectful consideration to the thoughts, feelings and needs of others.)

7 5 STEPS OF NEGOTIATION 1. Stop the conflict and ask for a negotiation: Let s negotiate or Let s talk or let s work this out. 2. When the conflict has stopped, each person takes a turn and tells what the Problem is, as they see it and how they Feel about it, ex. You keep on nagging at me to pick up my clothes and I m getting mad. Next, they tell what they Want, ex. I want you to leave me alone. Be sure to use I- Statements when stating how you Feel and what you Want, ex. I feel mad. I m really upset that you took my ball. I Want you to give it back to me. 3. After listening to what the other person says about the Problem, the Feeling and the Want, each tells the other their Understanding of what the other person is saying, ex. My understanding of what you said is that you are mad with me because I ve been nagging you about putting away your clothes and you want me to get off your back. Be sure the listener paraphrases the first speaker before they move onto the second person s Problem, Feeling and Want. 4. Brainstorm solutions: Each person presents two to three ideas for a possible solution: We could get some baskets to put my clothes in. I could ask you only on Saturdays to pick up your clothes. I could check my room Fridays before I went to bed 5. Agree on one or two of these possible solutions. Then Shake on it in order to mark an end to the conflict. If you cannot settle the conflict you may need to ask for a Mediator or Arbitrator! An Arbitrator is usually a teacher or a parent who listens to both sides and then makes the decision about what each student should do in the dispute.

8 5 STEPS OF NEGOTIATION (Condensed) 1. STOP the CONFLICT and Say: Let s Negotiate / Let s Talk / Lets work this Out 2. Take Turns telling: (Use I-Statements ) What the PROBLEM is: When you grab the ball away from me at recess How you FEEL about it: I feel mad What you WANT: and I want you to stop it. 3. Tell your UNDERSTANDING of what the other person is saying about the Problem, Feeling and Want. You are telling me that when I pulled the ball from you at recess, it made you really mad and you want me to leave you alone. 4. BRAINSTORM 2-3 possible solutions to the Problem. We could play on different teams. We could share being quarter back. We could all agree on no-grabbing the ball from anyone. 5. AGREE on 1 or 2 of these possible solutions and SHAKE ON IT. Let s have a team agreement of grabbing the ball is not permitted and if it occurs we stop the game and the other team gets the ball. OK. Let s Shake on it.

9 MEDIATION STEPS 1. When NEGOTIATION is not working, ask for a MEDIATOR ( Would you like a MEDIATOR to help you? ) If they refuse a MEDIATOR send them to an ARBITRATOR, for example your teacher or parent. The decision of the arbitrator is final. 2 The MEDIATOR will tell the student s that he/she will: A) NOT TAKE SIDES B) NOT ALLOW INTERRUPTIONS C) NOT ALLOW PUT DOWNS 3. The MEDIATOR will choose the person whose name is FIRST IN THE ALPHABET to go first: for example, Noah, your name is first in the alphabet, so you go first and Sam you go second. 4. The MEDIATOR will ask each student in turn state: WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE PROBLEM? WHAT DO YOU WANT? 5. After one student states their view of the Problem, Feelings and Wants, ask the listening student to state their UNDERSTANDING of what the other person said. ie. MEDIATOR: What is your understanding of what the Problem is, what are Noah s Feelings and what his Wants? 6. The MEDIATOR asks the students to BRAINSTORM SOLUTIONS. Have each person present 2-3 ideas for a possible solution. The MEDIATOR should praise work well done. 7. The MEDIATOR will then ask the students to BRAINSTORM POSSIBLE CONSEQUENCES for each of these Solutions 8. The MEDIATOR will now ask the students to AGREE ON 1 OR 2 OF THESE POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS and SHAKE ON IT. I-Messages Vignette

10 Discussion: I-messages have three parts: I FEEL.. When You Because.. Example 1: ( Can have previously trained students or teachers do these Role Plays of I-messages.) Setting: Sara is jump roping and James comes over and grabs the rope: Sara: (screams) Cut that out! I feel mad when you jerk my rope away since you could have pushed me over and I could have hurt myself. Example 2: Setting: Nate is quietly doing math problems at his desk and Vince walks by and incidentally bumps up against his arm. Nate: (glaring) Vince, I m really upset when you push up against my arm because it messes up my whole page of math. Example 3: Settling: John is playing dodge ball with Sam, Ellie and Joe. Chris runs through and grabs the ball. John: (running up to Chris) When you cut into our game and run off with the ball I get really frustrated because it ruins the game. Friendship Circle Homework Handout Session I

11 #1 Catch yourself doing random Acts of Kindness this week, at least five (5) times, and record your Acts of Kindness below. Have a parent or guardian sign your paper. Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Parent/Guardian Signature Date #2. Think of a name for your group. Be prepared to work as a group to come up with a single name for your group. #3.Think of one situation at home or one situation at school where you could have used Negotiation. Friendship Circle News Session I

12 Dear Parents, The focus of Friendship Circles is to learn more about what a friend is, working together as a team, how to solve conflicts peacefully and developing a sense of empathy for others. We will be using a role playing video on conflict resolution as well as interactive activities taken from the Outward Bound Low Ropes Course. Friendship Circles are based on cooperative fun. Activities and topics for discussion will be sent home each week. Please review or discuss these with your child. Learn along with your child. If you have any questions or would like to observe the class please feel free to give me a call. Sincerely, Phone Number: Group Leader