Everybody Wins. How to Turn Conflict into Collaboration. Participant Materials. Participant Materials

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1 How to Turn Conflict into Collaboration 2002 VisionPoint Productions

2 2002 VisionPoint Productions All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of VisionPoint Productions. This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter. It is sold with the understanding that VisionPoint Productions is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional services. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional should be sought VisionPoint Productions

3 2002 VisionPoint Productions

4 Table of Contents Pre-work case study for managers...1 Pre-work case study for all employees...2 Time to reflect...4 Causes of conflict...7 Video notes...8 Dealing with our attitudes...9 Dealing with our emotions self-assessment...11 Dissecting conflict...13 Dissecting conflict discussion questions 14 Resolution skill practice Resolution skill practice Resolution skill practice Observer s sheet...18 Focus on the future...19 posttraining assessment..20 Session evaluation VisionPoint Productions

5 Pre-work case study for managers Instructions: In preparation for our session, please take a few minutes to read through this case study and answer the questions. Also, be sure to bring this material with you to the session. The Situation It s 2:00, time for the weekly team meeting. Everyone is dreading this particular meeting because it is time to address budget allocations for next year. The team received a memo yesterday that informed them that a 15% cut would need to come out of the team s budget. Amy has several new hires and has just started getting her department back on track after six months of high turnover due to changes in the company. Amy has had to put in a lot of extra time in the last six months because of her lack of staff. She is not willing to lose any of her newly hired staff in the budget cut. As far as she is concerned, if any of her staff goes her sanity may just go along with them. As she walks into the conference room, she hears Jamal and Kevin discussing the budget. Jamal says that he has eliminated everything he possibly could from his budget and that there is no way for him to eliminate anything else and still keep his department functioning. He then states that Amy s department has successfully run on fewer people in the past and that may be where they need to make the cut from the budget. As Amy sits down she immediately gets defensive. First, she feels as though she needs to protect her employees jobs and second she also needs to protect her own sanity because it has only recently returned. Third, this is not the first time Jamal has made incorrect remarks about her department. Two things go through Amy s mind: She s not going to let them cut one of her employees; and this isn t the first time she s heard Jamal trying to sway a team decision by talking to Kevin and others on the team before the meeting starts. A heated conflict ensues. The Questions 1. Who could be affected by this conflict and why? 2. If you had been present during this situation and several team members were in a heated argument, how would that make you and the rest of the team feel? 3. How do you think this situation ended? 4. What would you have done if you had been present during this situation? 2002 VisionPoint Productions Page 1

6 Pre-work case study for all employees Instructions: In preparation for our session, please take a few minutes to read through this case study and answer the questions. Also, be sure to bring this material with you to the session. The Situation The team has several problems that have been causing major obstacles to the department s productivity. During the last meeting, everyone on the team agreed to attend the next meeting with a list of possible solutions to the ongoing problems. There are six people on this team. Ted, the team member with the most experience with the team and history with the organization has taken the time to list out several possible solutions to the problems. He typed the detailed solutions on a one-page handout and took the time to make a copy for each team member so that they could have a printed copy of his ideas to look over. Amy, one of the newest members on the team, has been with the organization for a while, but was just recently promoted. Part of Amy s new responsibilities is to be a part of this team. Amy is extremely high energy and tends to speak at a very fast pace. She has a gift of getting a group of people excited and motivated to follow-through with her ideas. Amy is a big picture person who can really make things happen. As Ted walks into the conference room, he is immediately hit with Amy s high energy and constant talking. Amy is talking a mile a minute excited about her new ideas to solve the latest team problem. As Ted walks into the room he immediately feels the muscles in his jaw tighten. Every time he walks into a team meeting prepared to discuss and contribute Amy overwhelms him. He feels as though Amy sucks all the air out of the room and doesn t leave enough for the rest of the team. However, since Amy joined the group many issues challenging the group have become resolved. Amy is talking with Phil as Ted enters the room. At first she doesn t even realize Ted is there, but then all of a sudden she feels this wave of negativity enter the room. Amy is, by nature, an extremely positive person who works well with just about everyone, but she can t seem to get through to Ted. Amy has identified two possible solutions and has already received positive feedback from the departments that the decisions will effect. Ted sits down at the table, his arms are crossed and he has an annoyed expression on his face. Amy turns to include Ted in her conversation and Ted stands up, turns his back to her, and goes over to the water pitcher for a drink. As the meeting starts, Ted sits back down, arms crossed, and jaws locked. Amy jumps right in with her plans and asks the team what they think. Everybody on the team was agreeing as Ted sat there in silence. Amy looked at Ted and asked him what he thought. Ted responded, Why should I bother to respond? You have already made up the team s mind for them let s just go with your idea. Amy looks at Ted and says, Do you have a problem with my ideas? You seem to just sit there and occasionally criticize but I never hear you offer any proactive ideas to the group. Ted responds, That s because you never give anyone else a chance. You have things decided upon before you enter the room and everyone else on this team just follows you like you re the Pied Piper. I m sick of it, why do I even bother to attend these meetings? Page VisionPoint Productions

7 Questions for the Pre-work Case Study 1. Who could be affected by this conflict and why? 2. If you had been present during this situation, how would that make you and the rest of the team feel? 3. How do you think this situation ended? 4. What would you have done if you had been present during this situation? 2002 VisionPoint Productions Page 3

8 Time to reflect Instructions: Please review the following questions and provide your answers in the space provided. Please be as honest as possible, you will not be asked to share your responses with the group. 1. Think back to your childhood. How did your parent figure behave during a conflict situation at home? For example, did they: Avoid conflict, by not discussing or communicating with one another Escalate conflict by raising their voice and not listening to others Treat conflict like it was a competition Agree to whatever was being said to make the conflict go away Agree to a compromise but then hold a grudge Talk through the situation until both parties understood how the other was feeling, and then agreed to an amiable solution 1b. Is your behavior similar or different to your parent figure s behavior? Explain your answer. 2. If you have siblings, how did your siblings behave when you were in a conflict situation with them? For example, did your siblings: Avoid conflict, by not discussing or communicating with one another Escalate conflict by raising their voice and not listening to others Treat conflict like it was a competition Agree to whatever was being said to make the conflict go away Agree to a compromise but then hold a grudge Talk through the situation until both parties understood how the other was feeling, and then agree to an amiable solution 2b. Was your behavior similar or different to your sibling s behavior? Explain your answer. Page VisionPoint Productions

9 Time to reflect, continued 3. If you have a spouse, significant other, or children, how do you behave during a conflict situation with them. Spouse/Significant Other do you: Avoid conflict, by not discussing or communicating with one another Escalate conflict by raising their voice and not listening to others Treat conflict like it was a competition Agree to whatever was being said to make the conflict go away Agree to a compromise but then hold a grudge Talk through the situation until both parties understood how the other was feeling and then agreed to an amiable solution Children do you: Avoid conflict, by not discussing or communicating with one another Escalate conflict by raising their voice and not listening to others Treat conflict like it was a competition Agree to whatever was being said to make the conflict go away Agree to a compromise but then hold a grudge Talk through the situation until both parties understood how the other was feeling, and then agreed to an amiable solution 3b. Is there any correlation between how you interact with your loved ones and how your parents interacted with you during a conflict situation? Explain your answer VisionPoint Productions Page 5

10 Time to reflect, continued 4. When you are at work, how does your manager or supervisor behave during a conflict situation? Do they: Avoid conflict, by not discussing or communicating with one another Escalate conflict by raising their voice and not listening to others Treat conflict like it was a competition Agree to whatever was being said to make the conflict go away Agree to a compromise but then hold a grudge Talk through the situation until both parties understood how the other was feeling, and then agreed to an amiable solution 4b. How do you behave when you have a conflict situation with your manager or supervisor? 5. How do your coworkers behave during a conflict situation at work? Do they: Avoid conflict, by not discussing or communicating with one another Escalate conflict by raising their voice and not listening to others Treat conflict like it was a competition Agree to whatever was being said to make the conflict go away Agree to a compromise but then hold a grudge Talk through the situation until both parties understood how the other was feeling, and then agreed to an amiable solution 5b. How do you behave when you are dealing with a conflict in your department or work group? 5c. Is your behavior at work during a conflict situation similar or different to how you behave when you are at home? Page VisionPoint Productions

11 Causes of conflict 2002 VisionPoint Productions Page 7

12 Video notes Page VisionPoint Productions

13 Dealing with our attitudes Instructions: Fill out the top part of the worksheet during the group discussion then finish the lower half of the exercise after the discussion. Please review your responses to the Time to reflect worksheet then, answer the following questions and provide your answers in the space provided. Please be as honest as possible, you will not be asked to share your responses with the group. Type of Conflict Words, attitudes or emotions associated with this type of conflict Result of this type of conflict Competition Avoidance Accommodation Compromise Collaboration 2002 VisionPoint Productions Page 9

14 Dealing with our attitudes, continued 1. Which type of response did your parental figure use with you? 2. Which type of response did you observe your parental figure use with each other? 3. Which approach do you use when you are at home? If you have a spouse and/or children, is your approach different? 4. Which approach do you use at work? 5. Is there a difference in your approach at home and your approach at work? Why or why not? 6. Do you feel you need to change your attitude about how you respond to approach conflict either at home or at work? Why or why not? Page VisionPoint Productions

15 Dealing with our emotions self-assessment Instructions: Review each of the situations and respond as to how the situation applies to you with an X in the appropriate box. 1. When I observe two coworkers arguing, I immediately get uncomfortable and want to leave. 2. When I hear a coworker complaining about a problem I tell them to ignore it and put up or shut up. 3. When I am asked to do something I don t believe I should have to do, it is easier for me to just go ahead and complete the project than bring up my issues or concerns. 4. When someone approaches me with a conflict situation, I just agree with him or her or apologize if I need to. 5. When I have to approach a coworker about a conflict issue I tend to back down or compromise and not get what I want or need. 6. When I see two coworkers in a disagreement I help determine a compromise that will satisfy both of them so that they will stop arguing. 7. When I confront someone in a conflict situation, I have every intention of winning the argument or disagreement. 8. When I observe a conflict situation taking place, I will immediately determine who is right and who is wrong. 9. When I observe a conflict between coworkers, I intervene with the hopes of helping them reach a win-win solution. 10. When I need to talk to someone about an issue my goal is to state my feelings, have them state their feelings, find common ground that we can both agree to, then work creatively to find an agreeable solution to both parties. All the Time Usually Sometimes Once in a while Never respond this way 2002 VisionPoint Productions Page 11

16 Dealing with our emotions self-assessment, continued Instructions: Now that you have completed the self-assessment, review your answers and complete the following questions in the space provided. Review statements 1 and 2. They were linked to the Avoidance response. How did you respond to those statements? Do you avoid conflict or confront it? If you avoid conflict how would you like to change it in the future? Review statements 3 and 4. They were linked to the Accommodate response. How did you respond to those statements? If this is how you handle conflict, how would you like to change your response in the future? Review statements 5 and 6. They are linked to the Compromise response. How did you respond to those statements? If this is how you handle conflict, how would you like to change your response in the future? Review statements 7 and 8. They are linked to the Competition response. How did you respond to those statements? If this is how you handle conflict, how would you like to change your response in the future? Review statements 9 and 10. They are linked to the Collaboration response. How did you respond to those statements? If this is how you handle conflict congratulations, you are off to an excellent start. If not, then how can you refocus your approach to respond more effectively? Page VisionPoint Productions

17 Dissecting conflict Instructions: Please review the case study and then discuss the questions with your group. Have someone from your group capture the answers to the questions and be prepared to discuss and share your answers with the large group. Case Study Alison walks into Ben s cubicle. Alison: Look, I know you are getting married in two weeks Ben, but you need to pick up your share of the calls while you are here. The rest of us are going to have double the work once you leave. We have 12 calls in queue right now and you have spent the last 15 minutes on the phone with your mother. Ben: Well, maybe if you spent less time listening into my personal calls and more time answering the phone there would be fewer calls in queue. And I wasn t talking to my mother I was talking to my soon-to-be mother-inlaw and what do you expect me to do hang up on her? Alison: If that s what it takes for you to do your share of the work around here then yes. Back when I first started, we weren t even allowed to make personal calls and now you are abusing the privilege. Personal calls are only allowed in an emergency or very important situations. Plan your wedding on your own time. Ben: I can t help the way things used to be around here, nor do I care. If you would go back to your own cubicle and mind your own business, I would get some of these calls out of queue. Just then Ben s phone rings it s his fiancé. Alison turns around and storms out of his cubicle VisionPoint Productions Page 13

18 Dissecting conflict discussion questions 1. What went wrong in this case study? 2. What caused this conflict? 3. When Alison confronted Ben, which conflict approach was she demonstrating? Was her approach effective? Why or why not? 4. What steps should Alison and Ben take to fix this situation? 5. What types of questions could have helped these two collaborate to a better resolution? Page VisionPoint Productions

19 Resolution skill practice 1 Instructions: Review the scenario then using the details provided, practice the skills to resolving this conflict collaboratively with your partner to achieve a win-win resolution. Employee 1: You have been with the organization for 13 years. You are the keeper of the supplies. In order for anyone to request anything even a pen, they have to go through you. You are quite competent, and very detailed-oriented. Employee 2 walks into your office and starts demanding supplies. You are immediately annoyed and start going on about using the correct form and the 24 hours you have to fill a request. Since you have been with the organization so long, you have seen many new hot-shot employees come and go and you don t like the way they treat you. You feel as though you are treated like what you do doesn t matter and that other employees don t respect your position. Employee 2: You have only been with the company for six months. You are very bright and have already been promoted. You have just started a new project and are in need of some supplies so that you can get a jump-start on the workload. You walk into Employee 1 s office in a big rush and start rattling off supplies that you need right now! Employee 1 looks up and peers at you and says, Put it on a request form and I ll see if I can get to it by the end of the day. Employee 1 is obviously very annoyed. You know that you are supposed to use a request form if you want supplies and you know that you are supposed to give Employee 1 at least 24 hours to fill the request. However, since you started with the company six months ago you never understood the need to give a 24-hour notice for supplies VisionPoint Productions Page 15

20 Resolution skill practice 2 Instructions: Review the scenario then using the details provided, practice the skills to resolving this conflict collaboratively with your partner to achieve a win-win resolution. Employee 1: You have to learn a whole new computer system for the second time because your company can t make up its mind what software it wants to use to keep track of its customers. You are sick of having to sit through training classes when you will only use the system for a short time before a new one will be replacing it. You have quotas to meet and sitting in training is not what is going to get your goals met. You really haven t used any of the new systems anyway, you are still using an old-fashioned card file to keep track of your customers and you think that works much better for you. You are refusing to go to training it s costing you money. Manager 1: Your company has just merged with two other companies. It took the companies a while to figure out which software they were going to use to centralize the sales departments. They have now finally completed it and you have to send your employees to technical training once again. You are not any happier about having to send your people to training then they are for having to go. However, it is your job to make sure they are all using the new system fully and getting rid of all their old systems. You have reviewed the new system and it is really the best option for the organization and it should help make your employees more efficient. You have one employee who is refusing to go to training. Page VisionPoint Productions

21 Resolution skill practice 3 Instructions: Review the scenario then using the details provided, practice the skills to resolving this conflict collaboratively with your partner to achieve a win-win resolution. Team member 1: You have just been put on a new project team in a new division of your company. You are not used to working in a team environment. In the past you have always worked on your own. Now the only way for a decision to be made is if the team agrees and decides to move forward. You think the team is just slowing down progress and you want to get the project moving and make a good impression on the other members. You take matters into your own hands and make some decisions and take some actions without consulting the team. You thought they would be happy that somebody finally just went ahead and did something. Unfortunately, their response was less than pleasant. Team member 2: You have been a part of several teams over the last three years and most of them have been great working experiences. However, you currently have a team member who keeps acting and making decisions without consulting the rest of the group. Some of the actions and decisions are good ideas, but the other team members are getting insulted because they were not included in the decisions. Also, the last decision this team member made affected your department and it took two days for you to clean up the fall out of a bad decision. The whole reason for having a team is to eliminate these kinds of nightmares and Team member 1 just doesn t get it. You are frustrated with the team and at Team member 1 s behavior VisionPoint Productions Page 17

22 Observer s sheet Instructions: Review the questions, prior to the skill practice. Watch carefully as the members of your group complete the skill practice, and then complete the questions below. Be prepared to discuss your findings with the group at large. Which type of conflict response were the participants in the skill practice using initially? Did the participants achieve their goal of turning conflict into collaboration? If so, how? How did each person see the situation? What words or phrases were used to give everyone an opportunity to tell it like they saw it? Do you believe that each person got everything out on the table that they wanted to, why or why not? What words or phrases were used to make the transition to focusing on the future? Describe the win-win resolution to their problem? What obstacles did the participants in the skill practice face? List one thing about the skill practice that you think was effective. List one thing about the skill practice that you think could be improved. Additional comments: Page VisionPoint Productions

23 Focus on the future Instructions: Think of a conflict situation, difference of opinion, or workplace difficulty that you have been avoiding or may need to address in the future. Then, fill out the action plan below. Feel free to use this action plan during your meeting as a guide. Describe the problem or conflict situation as you see it. List any other issues that need to be brought up during your meeting. Are there any other issues from the past that may be affecting this situation? How have you responded to this person in the past? How would you prefer to respond to this person in the future? How has this person responded to you in the past? How have you seen this person respond to conflict situations with other coworkers in your organization? How might you help this person to respond more effectively? What types of things could you say that will affect how they respond to your issue? What do you think may be some of the obstacles when focusing on a win-win resolution? When are you going to set up a meeting with this person? 2002 VisionPoint Productions Page 19

24 posttraining assessment Instructions: Please review the following statements and write your response. Turn in this assessment to the facilitator when you have finished. 1. What causes conflict? 2. What are the five different responses that people have to conflict and which is the most effective and why? 3. What are the three steps to the Approach? 4. List some questions that will help you collaborate to a win-win solution. Page VisionPoint Productions

25 Session evaluation Please circle the number that best describes your evaluation of the training session. This training program concentrates on understanding how to collaborate with others to achieve a win-win result. This training program helped me understand the importance of taking responsibility for a conflict situation if I am involved. As a result of this program, I am more confident in MY ability to use the approach in a conflict situation. The objectives of the program were clearly presented. Opportunities to ask questions and discuss issues were sufficient. Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree The session was well organized The best part of the program was: This program could be improved by: Additional comments: I would recommend this session to others (circle one). Yes No 2002 VisionPoint Productions Page 21