ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS PREVIEW INSTRUCTOR GUIDE 1/2-DAY COURSE

Transcription

1 ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS INSTRUCTOR GUIDE 1/2-DAY COURSE ASSERTIVENESS SKILLS

2 2010 by HRDQ Phone: Fax: HRDQ.com Notwithstanding your rights under the 1976 United States Copyright Act (17 U.S.C.) sections 107 and/or 108, this e-book may be reproduced and customized in unlimited quantities and distributed to your organization s direct employees, students, agents, or clients as permitted under HRDQ s Reproducible Content End User License Agreement (a copy of which can be found at HRDQ.com by clicking on Legal ). Inclusion in any publication, whether for commercial or non-commercial purposes, is prohibited. Requests for permission to reproduce or reuse this content outside the terms of the Reproducible Content End User License Agreement should be addressed to permissions@hrdq.com or For additional Reproducible Program Library licenses please contact the HRDQ Client Solutions Team at The material in this publication is provided as is. HRDQ disclaims any warranties, expressed or implied, regarding its accuracy or reliability, and assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions. To the extent permissible by law, HRDQ accepts no liability for any injuries or damages caused by acting upon or using the content contained in this publication. ISBN E1ASK HRDQ 2010 ii

3 Instructional Design and Learning Philosophy We are committed to providing the best core-skills content possible for Instructor-Led Training (ILT). The following principles are applied in the development of programs: Sound Instructional Design All course content is developed using a variety of research techniques. These include: Brainstorming sessions with target audience Library research Online research Customer research (focus groups, surveys, etc.) Subject Matter Experts (SMEs) Interviews with trainers Expert instructional designers create imaginative and innovative solutions for your training needs through the development of powerful instructional elements. These include: Learning objectives provide effective tools for managing, monitoring, and evaluating training Meaningful connections between the topic and students past, present, and future Appropriate organization of essential ideas helps students to focus on what they need to know in order to learn Modeling techniques demonstrate useful behaviors and problem-solving skills Active application, the cornerstone to learning, helps students immediately apply what they have learned to a real-life situation Consistent instructions and design help students learn and retain new information Accelerated learning techniques create interactive, hands-on involvement to accommodate different learning styles Application of Adult Learning Styles Adults learn best by incorporating their personal experiences with training and by applying what they learn to real-life situations. Our experienced instructional designers incorporate a variety of accelerated learning techniques, role-plays, simulations, discussions, and lectures within each course to appeal to all learning styles and ensure that the ideas and information retained. will be HRDQ 2010 iii

4 Instructional Design and Learning Philosophy (cont.) Customizing Your Program There are two ways you can customize this program: 1) Customize the content and 2) Customize the format. Customizing the content is easy. The Instructor Guide and Participant Guide are created in Word, so you can simply modify the content just as you would any Word document. Some common reasons for customizing content include: Changing examples to fit your industry or work environment Modifying content to match work rules and procedures Adding, deleting or rearranging content to meet training time constraints The other way to customize the program is to change the formatting. Typically, organizations will do this to add their corporate logo and/or colors, or it may just be an issue of personal preference. Again, treat the Instructor Guide and/or Participant Guide as you would any Word document. For help using Word, consult the Microsoft website. Preparing for the Training As you know, preparation is the key to conducting an effective training. Here are some issues to consider: Logistics Advertise the training with enough advance notice that participants can block it out on their calendar. Consider contacting potential participants managers to encourage their attendance. Send a confirmation notice before the training, reminding participants of the date, time and location. Room setup: Ideally, use round tables to facilitate partner and small group interaction. Equipment and Supplies In order for the training to go smoothly, have these supplies and equipment on hand: Name tags Flip chart and markers, tape Laptop with projector (for the PowerPoint) Blank paper and pens/pencils, sticky notes Timer or watch Water for yourself and the participants Beverages and snacks (optional) HRDQ 2010 iv

5 Course Activities Module One: Understanding Assertiveness Type of Activity Segment Course Objectives Self-Assessment Definition of Assertiveness The Assertiveness Continuum Blocks to Assertiveness Foundations of Assertiveness Module Two: Assertive Behaviors and Language Assertive Language Reading Written Exercise Facilitation Group Activity Assertive Behaviors Putting It Together HRDQ 2010 v

6 Course Activities (cont.) Module Three: Non-Assertive Behaviors and Language Type of Activity Segment Passive Language and Behaviors Passive-Aggressive Language and Behaviors Aggressive Language and Behaviors Recognizing Non-Assertive Behaviors Module Four: Straight Talk in Any Situation Saying No Handling Conflict Assertively Handling Criticism Assertively Reading Written Exercise Facilitation Group Activity Dealing with a Boss or Person in Power HRDQ 2010 vi

7 Contents Module One: Understanding Assertiveness... 1 Course Objectives... 2 Self-Assessment... 3 Definition of Assertiveness... 5 The Assertiveness Continuum... 6 Blocks to Assertiveness... 7 Foundations of Assertiveness... 8 Module Two: Assertive Behaviors and Language... 9 Assertive Language Assertive Behaviors Putting It Together Module Three: Non-Assertive Behaviors and Language Passive Language and Behaviors Passive-Aggressive Language and Behaviors Aggressive Language and Behaviors Recognizing Non-Assertive Behaviors Module Four: Straight Talk in Any Situation Saying No Handling Conflict Assertively Handling Criticism Assertively Dealing with a Boss or Person in Power Appendix Action plan Course review Suggested resource list Course evaluation HRDQ 2010 vii

8 Module One Understanding Assertiveness HRDQ

9 Course Objectives Successful completion of this course will increase your knowledge and ability to: Define assertiveness Recognize the assertiveness continuum Identify personal blocks to assertiveness Demonstrate assertive language and behaviors Avoid language and behaviors that are not assertive (passive, aggressive and passive-aggressive behaviors) Use assertive behaviors in everyday situations Trainer Notes 5 minutes Introduce yourself and provide a brief background if participants don t know you. Go over logistics (schedule, breaks, restrooms, etc.) and any ground rules for the day. Typical ground rules include no electronics in use, show respect for every participant, participate fully, no dominating or interrupting, etc. Review the course objectives with participants. Assertiveness Skills Course Objectives Define assertiveness Recognize the assertiveness continuum Identify personal blocks to assertiveness Demonstrate assertive language and behaviors Avoid language and behaviors that are not assertive (passive, aggressive and passiveaggressive behaviors) Use straight talk in any situation (conflict, criticism, etc.) HRDQ

10 Self-Assessment Instructions: Read each statement and place a checkmark in the column that most closely describes you. 1. I am direct and clear when expressing myself. 2. I rarely disagree with anyone. 3. I place great value on expressing my thoughts and feelings. 4. I have changed jobs because I didn t want to work with someone. 5. Other people find me approachable. 6. I lose my temper easily. 7. I speak up confidently in group situations. 8. I have ended relationships rather than talk through differences. 9. I say what I mean and mean what I say. Nothing like me Somewhat like me A lot like me Trainer Notes 5 minutes Activity: Allow several minutes for participants to complete the selfassessment. The odd numbers are aspects of assertiveness so people who checked the a lot like me column frequently feel they act assertively, while those who checked more in the nothing like me column act less assertively. Conversely, the even numbers reflect a lack of assertiveness (either passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive), so those who checked a lot like me for most of these act less assertively while those who checked nothing like me act more assertively. Note that for many people, whether and when they act assertively depends on the situation and the people involved. They may behave assertively at home but not at work, or vice versa. The skills we ll learn today should help participants to act assertively whenever they choose to. 10. I secretly think I m right but don t often say it. 11. I discuss my beliefs but don t expect others to always agree with me. HRDQ

11 12. When someone raises their voice, it makes me tense and I want to leave. 13. If someone asks me to do something, I don t always feel compelled to say yes. 14. People are afraid to disagree with me. 15. I don t hesitate to ask for help when I need it. 16. I apologize to end an argument even when I know I did nothing wrong. Nothing like me Somewhat like me A lot like me HRDQ

12 Definition of Assertiveness Your definition of assertiveness: Practical definitions Stating your views clearly and articulately Having the ability to express your own feelings, even about difficult issues, in a way that is respectful and honest Standing up for your own needs without violating the needs of others Benefits of assertiveness Express your own needs and get them met Respect and communicate with others effectively Influence others in order to gain acceptance, agreement or behavior change Trainer Notes 5 minutes Activity: Before sharing the official definition of assertiveness, have participants define assertiveness in their own words. They can work in small groups, or you can work as an entire group and record their answers on a flip chart. Debrief by having participants or groups share their answers. Review the practical definitions of assertiveness and the benefits of assertiveness. Emphasize right away that assertiveness is not aggressiveness it s not about getting what you want at others expense. It s about communicating effectively to get your own needs met without disrespecting others. Definition of Assertiveness Dictionary: A method of training individuals to act in a bold self-confident manner Practical: Standing up for your own needs without violating the needs of others Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don t matter and those who matter don t mind. -- Dr. Seuss HRDQ

13 The Assertiveness Continuum Passive Passive Passive- Aggressive Assertive Uncomfortable expressing needs and wants Quickly backs down to avoid conflict Concerned with the judgments and perceptions of others Passive-Aggressive Avoids making a direct response Aggressive Demonstrates feelings of aggression in passive ways, such as procrastination, intentional inefficiency, sullenness Lots of sarcasm and indirect criticism Assertive Comfortable expressing needs and wants Can communicate feelings without attacking or disrespecting others Aims to consider win-win solutions Aggressive Gets needs met at the expense of others Uses attacking tactics such as yelling, door slamming, desk pounding, etc. Concerned solely with own feelings Trainer Notes 510 minutes Delegation Review the parts should of be the a continuum. positive experience We will for the look manager, at non-assertive the employee language and behaviors the organization. in detail in a Yes, mistakes subsequent will section happen. (as But well keeping as assertive a focus on the language believe and that it is worthwhile behaviors, of and course). beneficial Show the PPT (see and previous have participants page), the manager s identify the and element employee s of the attitudes continuum should each reflect the statement points represents. on this page. The Assertiveness Continuum The phone needs to be answered. Please answer the phone. No one ever bothers to answer the phone. Answer the #(%&% phone! Answer the #*#& phone! aggressive The phone needs to be answered. passive No one ever bothers to answer the phone! passive-aggressive Please answer the phone. assertive Summary of continuum: When people behave passively, they violate their own rights. When people behave aggressively (or passive-aggressively), they violate other people s rights. When people behave assertively, they take care of their own rights without violating the rights of others. HRDQ

14 Blocks to Assertiveness Wanting people to like you Needing to be responsive to people with different agendas: supervisor, peers, customers/clients Feeling responsible for the harmony of your group/department Activity In what situation(s) are you most likely to act assertively? In what situation(s) are you least likely to act assertively? With whom are you most likely to act assertively? With whom are you least likely to act assertively? Trainer Trainer Notes Notes If 10 we minutes all know that delegation As we mentioned, is a good most idea, why people do we behave resist it? Here are assertively the most some common of the excuses: time. Why don t we behave assertively all of I can do it better and the time? faster. : This is shortsighted. It usually Delegation depends on will produce the situation, big benefits or the in the particular long run. person(s) involved. What if I m no longer needed? : Activity: Allow Use your several freed up minutes time to for pursue participants new, innovative to reflect which projects that will situations add value and to people the organization. are most least likely to prompt them to act What assertively. if they Debrief do it by better? : sharing Then with a you partner can focus or in your small time groups. and talents in areas that are your natural strengths. Blocks to Assertiveness Wanting to be liked I can t give up power Needing to be responsive to different agendas and control. : It can be Feeling responsible for difficult group harmony to let go; however, remember you can and should establish guidelines over the result. Just let go of the process. What if they don t do it right? : What you really mean is, What if they don t do it my way? Realize that your way is not the only way to achieve the result. People will think I m just trying to lighten my workload. : If you are truly delegating and not dumping, people will not view it that way. HRDQ

15 Foundations of Assertiveness Self-worth Knowledge Practice and experience Your assertive rights My needs are as important as (but not more important than) anyone else s. It s OK to meet my needs and/or ask to have them met. I accept responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, opinions and behavior. I cannot be responsible for the thoughts, feelings, opinions and behaviors of others. Activity Instructions: Replace each negative block statement with positive selftalk. Block Statement If I assert myself, no one will like me. If I m not demanding, no one will listen to me. I have to give in to keep the peace. If I make one person happy, that will make someone else unhappy. Positive Self-Talk It s okay for my wants and needs to be as important as those of others. I am worthy and deserve to have my needs met. I can express my needs clearly without disrespecting others. Conflict isn t always harmful and can lead to productive solutions. I am not responsible for other people s happiness. Trainer Notes 15 minutes Self-worth: Assertive behavior begins with belief the belief that you have value and are as worthy as anyone else. Knowledge: Assertive behavior is built on your knowledge of assertive language and behaviors to use, and non-assertive language and behaviors to avoid that is the focus of this training. Practice and experience: Assertive behavior is built on practice and experience as in most activities, if practice doesn t make perfect, it at least makes improvement. Assertive rights: These are statements that participants should internalize until they become second nature. If some participants really struggle with these, suggest writing them on index cards and keeping them at their desks for review. Activity: Have participants read each block statement and replace it with a building block statement. It may help to think of statements that begin with I can or I will or I am. Debrief by sharing responses. We ve listed some options, but there are many possibilities. Foundation of Assertiveness Self-worth Knowledge Practice and experience HRDQ

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