Tools for Talking When Stakes are High

Transcription

1 Tools for Talking When Stakes are High I see you are late to school again! You can t come and go as you want. We have rules! Doesn t he know Reddy s house burned last night? Sorry. It won t happen again. Silence It s always about rules. He never wants to know why. Presented by: Judy Judy, Institute for Transformational Synergism Michelle McAnaly, Newark Community High School

2 Impact Map Crucial Conversations What I will learn (The few, most important skills or concepts I ll learn during the training) How I will apply these new skills back on the job What results I will get (How will applying my new skills improve the results of my work area?) The organization s* goals that my results will support (*Organization could mean my work group, department, school/division, or Rice University) At the completion of this session, I will have the tools to Identify conversations that keep me stuck Stay in dialogue by: not moving to silence or violence when I m angry, scared or hurt diffusing others violence and eliminating their silence establishing and maintaining mutual purpose and mutual respect Get my meaning across persuasively, not abrasively, even with difficult or potentially threatening messages Share facts, ideas, feelings and opinions candidly and honestly while making it safe for others to do the same Identify and agree on the few important outcomes that the conversation should attempt to produce; keep that list in the center of the conversation Resolve disagreements and accurately address concerns by talking respectfully, candidly and skillfully with others Build acceptance rather than resistance by giving and receiving feedback in a factual, unemotional, non-judgmental, way that enhances relationships and improves results. Talk about high-stake, emotional and controversial topics safely and freely, without either myself or the other party resorting to silence or strong negative emotions Finish conversation with an agreedupon plan and/or clearly defined next steps, and assure shared responsibilities for improving working relationships and outcomes Save time with fewer, more productive meetings Have less disagreement, or resolve disagreements more quickly Build more alignment with better decisions [Add to/delete from/edit these as appropriate]

3 My Impact Map What did I learn? (The few, most important skills or concepts I learned during the training) How will I apply these new skills back on the job? What results I will get? (How will applying my new skills improve my conversations?) What organization goals will results? (What could these skills mean to my students, colleagues, department, school)

4 ACCOUNTABILITY CONVERSATION PLANNER CPR. As you think about the various facets of your problem, do you want to discuss Content, Pattern, or Relationship? To help you decide, ask yourself what you really want from the conversation. My Issue Describe the Gap. Start by sharing what was expected vs. what was observed. Expected: My understanding was that you were going to. Observed: Instead, you. End with a question: What happened? How do you see it? Make It Safe. How might the other person misinterpret your intent? Create a contrasting statement that restores safety. I don t want. I do want. Make It Easy: What ability barriers might be keeping the person from doing what is expected? Think about all three Sources of Influence: Personal Ability: What skill or knowledge might be needed? Social Ability: How might others (you, peers, etc.) be withholding information, materials, or help? Structural Ability: What things (policies, procedures, equipment, software, etc.) are preventing the person from doing what s required? Ask the person for ideas in brainstorming solutions. Make It Motivating: If the person isn t motivated, clarify natural consequences by making the invisible visible. Think of all three sources. Personal Motivation: How can you make the behavior you want from the other person congruent with his or her values? Social Motivation: How are others (you, peers, etc.) perceiving or being impacted by the behavior? Structural Motivation: What punishments might occur if he or she doesn t enact the behavior? What rewards are possible through enacting the behavior? Move to Action: Don t forget to end by determining Who does What by When and Follow up.

5 SITUATION Results and Relationships 1 are suffering due to a gap. You need to initiate an 2 Accountability Conversation, or one is evolving. 3You are getting emotional or telling clever stories. 4You have a tough message, be honest and maintain safety. 5Someone misunderstands your intent regarding Purpose or Respect. You re not sure why 6 the gap exists. 7Ability barriers are causing the gap. 8The other person doesn t seem motivated to close the gap. 9You re ready to Move to Action. PRINCIPLES & SKILLS You need to hold an Accountability Conversation. Identify where you are stuck. Unbundle with CPR. Start with Heart Focus on What You Really Want for you, them, the relationship, and the organization (your long-term results). Master Your Clever Stories Tell the Rest of the Story Victim Story: What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the problem? Villain Story: Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person do this? Helpless Story: What should I do right now to move toward what I really want? Describe the Gap Describe expected vs. observed: We agreed that you d I noticed End with a question: How do you see it? Help me understand Contrast I don t think/mean/want (their fear/misunderstanding). I do think/mean/want (your actual purpose/meaning). Think Six Sources Source 1: Do they like the behavior you want? Source 2: Do they know how? Source 3: Do others encourage? Source 4: Do others enable? Source 5: Do carrots and sticks motivate? Source 6: Do the environment and tools enable? Make It Easy Clarify boundaries: Our time constraints are... We only have $ budgeted... Start by asking for their ideas: What do you think would help? Brainstorm all sources: Personal, social, structural solutions Clarify Natural Consequences Source 1: How will this affect them personally? Source 3: Introduce hidden victims who else might be affected? Source 5: Connect to existing carrots and sticks what are the rewards or punishments associated with the action? Move to Action Determine Who does What by When and how we will Follow up. Blue-2Day-ACP-v VitalSmarts. All Rights Reserved. Rev 1.0

6 Influencer Self-Assessment This survey was designed by Vital Smarts to help you increase your ability to influence others behavior. The questions below examine influence methods you use to help others change. Your survey results will be more useful if you think about how you typically approached influence challenges. Areas you may consider include: 1. An individual who is resistant to your ideas. (My son is living in my basement and lacks ambition to do something with his life.) 2. A group whose behavior is tough to change. (My teammates fail to capture and document customer leads when we go to trade shows.) 3. An organization that could be much more effective if its people changed their behavior. (We do not share information and resources across teams.we act as though we are in silos.) With one challenge in mind, answer the following questions. 1. Focus and Measure 1. As I try to influence change I take a lot of time up front to ensure everyone is very clear about and committed to the results we are trying to achieve. 2. To help others stay focused and excited about the change we re undergoing, I share frequent measures that demonstrate our progress. 3. To ensure that we re not encouraging people to continue with their old, unhealthy actions, I remove or modify measures that drive the wrong behaviors. 4. To help achieve challenging goals I help others break long-term goals into daily or weekly milestones that encourage steady progress. 2. Find Vital Behaviors 1. When trying to influence others, I am very clear about the specific behaviors that people need to change rather than relying on vague values or generic qualities I hope they ll adopt. 2. I make sure we reduce the list of possible actions to the two or three that will produce the greatest amount of change and improvement in results.

7 3. I ensure everyone agrees on the two or three behaviors that need to change in order for us to achieve the results we want.achieve. 4. I take frequent measures of these key behaviors, as well as results, to see if my influence efforts are working. 3. Help Them Love What They Hate 1. Whenever possible I invite people to try out and test new things rather than use authority or pressure to compel them. 2. I go beyond business and economic arguments to help people see the moral imperatives that call for change. 3. I avoid giving lectures or logical arguments for why others should change and instead tell compelling stories that illustrate the human and moral reasons that call for change. 4. I find creative ways to engage people in direct experiences (field trips, pilot programs, simulations, etc.) that will help them feel differently about the need for change. 4. Help Them Do What They Can t 1. I spend time offering coaching, hints, tips, and practice opportunities to those I am trying to help change. 2. I invest as much time and effort in ensuring others have the skills and abilities they need to succeed as I do in trying to motivate them to change. 3. I help others develop skills in ALL the areas that may be required including the social, emotional, and interpersonal skills and not just the technical, physical or mental skills they need. 4. I create lots of opportunities to help people practice new skills under safe but in realistically challenging conditions.

8 5. Provide Encouragement 1. I make sure those around me see clear evidence that I am willing to sacrifice a great deal (ego, time, money, or other priorities) in order to demonstrate my sincere desire to create change. 2. I carefully identify opinion leaders and create a specific strategy to get them involved in encouraging others to change. 3. I make sure people in positions of authority teach, model, praise, and coach others toward the new behavior. 4. I create an environment where everyone is encouraged to hold everyone else accountable for the new behavior (including myself) irrespective of level or position. 6. Provide Help 1. I make sure that others have timely assistance whenever they run into roadblocks trying out the new behaviors. 2. I identify the toughest moments or biggest obstacles to change and make sure that people have others around them to help with these challenges. 3. I create safe ways for people to get help without feeling embarrassed or being put on the spot. 4. I provide everyone with the authority they need to step up to new behaviors. 7. Change Their Economy 1. I put much more effort into sharing the moral, personal, business, and other reasons to change than into trying to reward or punish people into changing. 2. I ensure that our formal reward and discipline systems encourage rather than discourage people around trying a new behavior.

9 3. I make careful use of small yet thoughtful rewards to encourage people who make early attempts to change. 4. I use formal rewards to encourage not just the right results, but the right behaviors to get those results. 8. Change Their Space 1. I use visual. 2. I make sure people have easy access to the tools, information, and resources they need in order to adopt new behaviors. 3. Where possible, I redesign the physical space of those I m trying to influence in order to make good behavior easier to remember and to do and bad behavior harder. 4. Where possible, I change the physical environment (moving people or things closer together or farther apart, organizing work flow, etc.) in ways that make the new behavior a more automatic part of the natural flow of life or work so people do the right thing without thinking.. VitalSmarts.com

10 Training Course Details Crucial Conversations Training infuses fourteen hours of classroom time with more than 60 original video clips of before and after situations. Enjoy videobased instruction from the authors of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. Engage in extensive in-class practice, group participation, and personal reflection as you explore and master these crucial skills. Lesson 1: Get Unstuck Lesson Two: Start with Heart Lesson Three: Master My Stories Lesson Four: STATE My Path Lesson Five: Learn to Look Lesson Six: Make It Safe I Lesson Seven: Make It Safe II Lesson Eight: Explore Others Paths Lesson Nine: Move to Action Spot the conversations that are keeping you from what you want. Avoid moving to silence or violence during crucial conversations. Share facts, ideas, feelings, and opinions candidly and honestly. Identify your own Style Under Stress and manage it. Stay focused on what you really want and maintain dialogue. Understand how motives change when conversations turn crucial. Stay in dialogue when you re angry, scared, or hurt think your way to the root cause of negative emotions. Discover your stories how do you justify your behavior? Eliminate Victim, Villain, and Helpless Stories, and improve your results. Speak persuasively, not abrasively. Get your meaning across even with potentially threatening messages. Share strong opinions without shutting down contrary views. State your mind while making it safe for others to do the same Spot the warning signs that indicate safety is at risk. Notice various forms of silence and violence. Step out of a conversation and notice how to make it work. Take steps to rebuild safety and return to dialogue. Talk about almost anything without silence violence. Use specific skills to keep everyone sharing information. Establish and maintain mutual purpose and mutual respect. Recognize when you re at cross-purpose. Use exploring skills to make it safe for others to speak up. Diffuse others violence and eliminate silence. Get safely to the meaning behind others emotions. Put Crucial Conversations principles and skills together. Move from healthy dialogue to taking action and achieving results.

11 THE CAPACITY TO MASTER CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS DOES NOT SIMPLY PREDICT INDIVIDUAL EFFECTIVENESS IT IS ALSO ONE OF THE MOST POTENT DRIVERS OF ORGANIZATIONAL PERFORMANCE. Kerry Patterson If your team or organization struggles to deal effectively with difficult subjects, undercommunicates, or fails to act with unity and conviction, Crucial Conversations Training is for you. Participant Materials Crucial Conversations Participant Toolkit (157-page training workbook) Cue cards and model card A copy of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, 2nd edition Crucial Conversations Audio Companion A course completion certificate Post-training participant website: videos, exercises, assessments, additional reading, and more (ChangeAnything.com)