Teens, Loss, and Grief Nicole Christenson Minnesota State University Moorhead May 2012
Table of Contents Parent letter/personal Disclosure.4 Group Overview..5 Session 1.. 7 Session 2..9 Session 3 11 Session 4....13 Session 5 15 Session 6....16 Pre-Assessment... 19 Post-Assessment 20 Handouts.... 21 Stages of Grief Worksheet....21 Bill of Rights......22 Describe Your Experiences with Grief..23 Letter to a Loved One 24 Goals After Group..25 References..26 2
Parent/ Student Consent From To the parents/guardians of : The intention of this letter is to invite your son or daughter to participate in the small-group experience Teens, Loss, and Grief. The purpose of this group is to help your son or daughter discuss and define grief and the stages involved, process the loss of a loved one, develop healthy coping skills, and to provide a supportive and safe environment for students to share their thoughts and feelings while providing helpful feedback. Teens, Loss, and Grief will meet for 30 minutes once a week. This group will have 6-8 members and meet for six sessions. Please complete the consent form below, placing a check mark in the appropriate box, and return it to me by. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please do not hesitate to call or email me at,. Sincerely, Nicole Christenson School Counselor at. 3
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Please check the box that best fits your feelings about participation. I grant permission for my son/daughter to participate in Teens, Loss, and Grief I deny permission for my daughter to participate in Teens, Loss, and Grief Son/Daughter s Name Parent/Guardian name Parent/Guardian signature Date Home phone number Email 4
ASCA National Model Standards Met: PS:A1.4 Understand change is a part of growth PS:A1.5 Identify and express feelings PS:A1.12 Identify and recognize changing family roles PS:B1.4 Develop effective coping skills for dealing with problems PS:C1.11 Learn coping skills for managing life events Group Overview: Meets weekly for 30 minutes Designed for 9-12 th grade Closed group Six sessions Personal Growth/Psycho-educational Group Purpose This group is designed to give students an opportunity to process the death of a loved one, discuss issues and feelings related to that particular death, support and encourage one another, and develop healthy coping skills. Together we will be involved in counseling, group discussions, and activities. Goals Discuss and define grief and the stages involved Process the death of a loved one Develop healthy coping skills To provide a supportive and safe environment for students to share thoughts and feelings while also providing helpful feedback Format and Procedure Welcome group members Recap of what we did the previous week and what we have planned for each day Introduce activity Discuss the activity 5
Homework assignment/journaling Closing. Inform students of what to look forward to weekly. Membership Students can refer themselves or be referred by teachers, parents, counselor or faculty keeping in mind the student has the final decision to join the group. In order to make the group best fit for each individual, I will also look at maturity levels concerning behaviors ad emotional concerns as well as the referrals. The group will be comprised of 5-7 students in 9-12 th grade in order to focus on their specific needs, interests and concerns of the group; however, if more students sign up I will certainly form a second group later in the year if needed. If the students do not feel as though the group is not meeting their needs they can see me for individual sessions as well. Norms and Guidelines Confidentiality is vital to this group. Everything that is said in this group remains in this group. The only time I will need to break confidentiality is if I believe someone may cause harm to themselves or to others. In order for trust to be built and progress to be made, we must build that trust by not telling anyone outside of the group know what we discuss. Students will follow the rules that are discussed during the first session. When someone else is talking, listen and try to understand what they are saying. Together we can help each other not only by talking about ourselves but by listening as well. Complete the homework/journeying assignments. These will help you to practice the skills we discuss in this group. Simply talking about skills will not change the behaviors, feelings or ideas but practicing them will. 6
Session One Objective: Students will be able to become familiar with each person in the group Students will be able to define confidentiality Students will be able to establish group rules Materials Manila Folders Colored Markers and Colored Pencils Paper Procedure Welcome the members and explain the purpose of group Introduce myself Introductions: Name, favorite class, and favorite hobbies/sports also rate their mood (1-10) Discuss the purpose of the group o Confidentiality o Group Rules Facilitator will write the rules of the group on a piece of colored paper and the group will sign it after they have established their rules Activity Before passing out the folder explain that each day the students mood and feelings will change and that s common/normal. Have each student rate their mood today Pass out manila folders. Each member will write their names on the manila folders as creatively as they d like. Students will decorate their folder using markers with pictures and words that describe them. Including things such as a drawing of their family, favorite activities, hobbies, personality traits, etc. 7
Then each student will go around the circle and talk about the words, drawings, hobbies etc that they placed on the folder and what each means to them. Closing Thank the students for participating and coming Give them time to ask questions Homework Bring a picture of the person they lost to group the following week. 8
Session Two: Objective: Students will be able to the different stages of grief Students will be able to apply the stages of grief to their personal experiences Materials Manila Folders Stages of Grief and Bill of Rights Pictures of loved ones Copy of rules Procedure Review the group rules Discuss each students picture and rate their mood (1-10) Each student will tape that picture of their loved one in their manila folders. Hand out Stages of Grief Discuss the stages and ask the students where they feel they currently are Activity Have each person talk about the picture they brought. What was your relationship with that person, when they passed, and one word that describes their current feelings. Hand out Stages of Grief: DABDAH: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, and Hope o Remind each student that grief does not follow a specific pattern or order. Students may feel they are at different stages throughout the process and that s ok. o After discussion, ask the students if they have any questions thus far about the stages. Then, go around the table and ask what stage they think they are currently in If time allows hand out the Bill of Rights for Grieving Teens 9
o Briefly discuss the bill of rights but allow the process as homework. Closing Thank the students for coming again Talk about what we will be doing next week Homework Journal: write down how today made them feel, what stage they said they were experiencing, and their reaction to the Bill of Rights for Grieving Teens 10
Session Three: Objective: Students will be able to describe their experience with grief Students will be able to identify how their life since the loss has changed Materials Describe your experience of grief worksheet Handout with questions relating to home life to discuss Procedure Each student rates their mood and gives 2 high and 1 low. Discuss the homework from the previous week (e.g., Bill of Rights) Ask if they have any questions and what were their thoughts Pass out Describe your experience of grief worksheet All the students student time to complete the form. Discuss as a large group: Activity Complete Describe your experience of grief worksheet Share 3 items from the list with the group Allow time to process with the group If time remains hand out How your life has changed questions Allow group members to openly discuss how life has changed since the loss of their loved one. o What new responsibilities do you have since the loss of your loved one? o How does it feel to have these responsibilities? o Has your role changed in your family or group of friends? If so, how? o What roles are creating the most stress in your life right now? o Who else has been impacted by the death? What roles/responsibilities do it seem they have taken on? 11
o How do you feel about the way they are carrying out those roles and responsibilities? Closing Thank the students If they did not get time to share please write in the journals about the activity Discuss next week s agenda Homework If they did not get time to finish or share finish answering each question Write down how the activity made them feel or challenged them 12
Session Four Objective Students will be able to list three coping strategies Students will be able to discuss positive memories about their loved one Materials Markers/colored pencils Manila folders Pictures of loved one Colored paper Procedure Welcome the group back Rate their mood 1-10. Two highs and one low Discuss homework and the remaining questions for last week Handout manila folders Create an art activity using the picture they brought week 2 Activity Pass out the students manila folders Pass around colored paper Ask the students to place the picture of their loved one on the colored paper and write down answers to the following questions: o What do you miss most abut the person you lost o Write down special memories that you will never forget o Descriptions of their personality or what they were like o One positive word that describes them Have students share their picture and answers. This allows them to think positively about that person and remember the happier times spent with them. 13
Closing Thank everyone for participating! Ask they if they have any questions or comments about the activity Homework Jot down your thoughts about today s activity. Examples: Was it challenging to think of all of the positives? Was it difficult to discuss your loss? How did it feel to see their picture? How did it feel to hear other member s stories and relationships? Etc. 14
Session Five Objective Students will be able to identify coping skills Students will be able to identify friends they trust/feel comfortable talking to Students will be able to write a letter to their loved one Materials Colored sheets of paper Outline of letter Procedure First welcome the students back. Two highs and one low. Discuss the homework from previous week. Allow time for students to discuss last week s questions if there wasn t enough time. Hand out coping skills worksheet Hand out worksheet discussing friends to talk to Hand out letter outline Activity After discussing the previous week s homework have the students talk about coping skills and what they mean. Ask them to give examples of healthy coping skills as well as unhealthy ones. What is the difference? What coping skills are they using if any? After the discussion has started give each student a hand out with different examples. Have them write down or circle a couple they could actually use. Talk about the importance of talking to someone about who they re feeling or what they are thinking about. Who do they trust or go to when they are feeling down? Explain the directions of writing a letter to their loved one. Pass out the handout. 15
Closing Thank them for participating and explain that next week will be our last meeting. Homework Complete the letter either using the handout or writing their own or with similar sentence starters. 16
Session Six: Objective Students will be able to able to reflect on their stories Students will be able to identify goals for themselves Make memory bracelets Materials Goals worksheet Manila folders Pens Colored beads Colored thread Snacks Procedure Pass out the students manila folders to take home Discuss their stories either with a friend or with the group, it is up to their discretion. Hand out Goals after Group worksheet Create memory bracelets. Activity Discuss their letters with either a partner or the group. Discuss goals after group and ask each person to write at least three goals. o Share with the group one goal With the time left create memory bracelets o Each bead or colored thread should represent a positive memory about their loved one. Each student will have a piece of paper and write down what each one means just in case they forget 17
If time is left or during the activity ask the students to reflect on their experience with group and what their favorite part was, what did they learn etc. Closing Thank them for participating in-group and encourage them to continue looking at their coping skills and talking to people when they need to. Hand out treats 18
Group Pre- Evaluation Please answer the following questions by circling the appropriate phrase 1. I understand the grief stages: Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree 2. I am comfortable sharing my feelings: Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree 3. I am comfortable talking about my loss: Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree 4. I know the different between healthy Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree and unhealthy coping skills: 5. I feel comfortable talking about Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree my loss with my friends: What do you hope to get from group? List three goals you want to accomplish by the end of group 1. 2. 3. Your Name: Adapted from Greenberg, K.R., 2003 19
Group Post- Evaluation Please answer the following questions by circling the appropriate phrase 1. I understand the grief stages: Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree 2. I am comfortable sharing my feelings: Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree 3. I am comfortable talking about my loss: Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree 4. I know the different between healthy Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree and unhealthy coping skills: 5. I feel comfortable talking about my loss Strongly Agree Agree Disagree Strongly Disagree with my friends: Did this group meet your needs? Explain why or why not. What did you like the most? What would you change about this group? Did you meet your goals? Why or why not? Your Name: Adapted from Greenberg, K.R., 2003 20
Stages of Grief Worksheet Directions: Listed below are the stages of grief. Write your experiences in each stage. If you haven t experienced a stage, that is ok! Denial is not believing the loss happened. Anger is being mad at who died, yourself, others or the situation. Bargaining is trying to make deals to return things to normal. Depression is an overwhelming sadness over your loss. Acceptance is understanding that the person that died is not coming back. Hope is not forgetting the loss, but moving forward in life. 21
The Bill of Rights for Grieving Teens Developed by grieving teens and shared by the Dougy Center for Grieving Children and Families. A Grieving Teen Has the Right... To know the truth about the death, the deceased, and the circumstances. To have questions answered honestly. to be heard with dignity and respect. to be silent and not tell you her/his grief emotions and thoughts. to not agree with your perceptions and conclusions to see the person who died and the place of the death. to grieve any way she/he wants without hurting self or others. to feel all the feelings and to think all the thoughts of his/her own unique grief. to not have to follow the Stages of Grief as outlined in a high school health book. to grieve in one s own unique, individual way without censorship. to be angry at death, at the person who died, at God, at self, and at others. to have his/her own theological and philosophical beliefs about life and death. to be involved in the decisions about the rituals related to the death. to not be taken advantage of in this vulnerable mourning condition and circumstances. to have guilt about how he/she could have intervened to stop the death. 22
Describe Your Experiences with Grief Mostly I feel But sometimes I feel My body feels I dream about It is hard for me to School is The worst thing for me is I am mad that I feel sorry that I worry about It would help if I wish Other people sometimes The best thing is It helps when 23
Letter to a Loved One Directions: Write a letter to your loved one using these sentence starters. I remember when you. It was fun when You were. It would have been nice if I wish you had I am sorry for Thank you for Love, 24
Goals After Group My goal is: Three ways I can achieve this goal is by: 1. 2. 3. What are two reasons that make me sure I can achieve my goal? 1. 2. What could stand in my way of achieving my goal? List the steps you will take to achieve your goal (remember to start small!) 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 25
References (2009). Just for ME! Healing activities for grieving children & teens. Retrieved from www.ryansheartnpo.org American School Counseling Association (2012). Group Grief Lesson Plan. Retrieved from http://www.schoolcounselor.org/resources_list.asp?c=43&i=16 Boulden, James (1996). Bereavement workbook: Last goodbye II. Boulden Publishing. 26