Principles of an Adequate Boundary Survey: Dealing With Difficult Customers

Principles of an Adequate Boundary Survey: Dealing With Difficult Customers 52 ND Annual NYSAPLS Conference January 19, 2011 Participant Workbook Developing Professionals Lori E. Miller, President 330 Pleasant View Drive, Lancaster, NY 14086 (716) 681-9988 lmiller@developingprofessionals.com www.developingprofessionals.com

Introducing Your Trainer Lori E. Miller is owner of Developing Professionals, a company that provides training, consulting, and coaching services to organizations in Leadership, Organizational and Professional Development. She has conducted hundreds of seminars and workshops both locally and nationally for corporations, non-profit groups and professional associations. She has a M.S. in Organizational Communication and Development from Canisius College, and a M.A. in Student Personnel Administration, and B.A. in Journalism from Buffalo State College. All of the content in this manual is the property of Developing Professionals, and is covered Under US and international copyright and trademark laws. Images in this manual are presented with permission or under license from the owner. This content may not be reproduced, or used for any commercial purpose without express written permission of Developing Professionals, and possibly other copyright or trademark owners. Page 1 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Dealing with Difficult Customers Workshop Agenda 1. What is Conflict & Responses 2. Communication Techniques 3. Five Techniques for Success What is Conflict & Responses Workplace Conflict: Guided Note-taking Fill in the appropriate terms. Conflict is the difference between the way things and the way we want them to. We experience conflict when our concerns are. You respond by taking a position of how much control you need and how important the is to you. Definition of Conflict: An antagonistic state or action involving divergent ideas, interests of persons. A mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 2

Group Exercise: Conflict with Customers Answer and discuss the following questions What are examples of conflicts you have experienced with customers in the field? Identify some principal causes of these conflicts that you have been involved with or exposed to? What are the reasons you find conflicts difficult to resolve? In what ways will learning to resolve conflict benefit you? Page 3 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Principles Causes of Conflict Misunderstandings Personality clashes Lack of cooperation Frustration and irritability Substandard performance Differences over work method Responsibility issues Authority issues Value and goal differences Non-compliance with rules and policies Competition for limited resources Four Main Sources of Conflict: Guided Note-taking Fill in the appropriate terms. Roles Emotions Information Values Roles imply a and level of responsibility. The power based on our hierarchy can cause imbalances especially if individuals abuse that power and don t use it appropriately. We all have. Once one of these triggers is activated emotions take over. Conflict can be caused by emotions that are stimulated by relationships. Relationships create expectations. Clear, concise and correct information plays an important role in effective. If there is incorrect or not enough information, conflict can occur. Values our decisions and how we choose to live our lives. If individuals have different value systems, conflict inevitable will occur. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 4

Skills That Make a Difference It is important from time to time to review the skills that contribute to successful conflict resolution. This exercise will give you an opportunity to rate yourself on those skills. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high) in each of these skills: To be open to differences To treat people as individuals To look at whether expectations are real To be aware of stereotypes To check assumptions about other people or groups To accept ambiguity To be comfortable communicating with people different than you To be nonjudgmental To exhibit empathy To listen and observe Total Score If your total is close to 50, you are probably communicating well when dealing with conflicts on a variety of issues. If your total is less than 40, you have some work to do to improve your skills. Page 5 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Conflict Situation Guided Note-taking Fill in the appropriate terms. In a conflict situation, we need to see: Where we have Where we can make a Where we can impact the The way you see the problem is the problem. Raven s Basis of Power Write in Raven s Five Bases of Power. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 6

Three Potential Initial Responses to Conflict Match the term with its correct definition. A. Fight B. Flee Avoid conflict Resist or putting off a situation Taking a why me position Determine what action needs to be taken to be most effective Consider all aspects of the situation C. Flow Have a win/lose approach Become defensive Page 7 Dealing with Difficult Customers

The Full Deck Analysis My Facts My Feelings Your Feelings Your Facts Provides a time out. Helps you gain perspective. Helps you choose the best strategy of collaboration. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 8

Full Deck Analysis Exercise Think of a customer conflict you are currently having or one in the past that was not resolved appropriately. Using the Full Deck Analysis, evaluate the situation. My Facts: 1. 2. 3. 4. Your Facts: 1. 2. 3. 4. My Feelings: 1. 2. 3. 4. Your Feelings: 1. 2. 3. 4. What did you discover? What will you do differently in the future using this information? Page 9 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Communication Technique The Communication Model: Guided Note-taking Sender: person who is the message. Receiver: the intended person or who is to the message. Channel: how gets from sender to receiver. Sources: ideas that are via verbal or non-verbal messages. The Communication Cycle Fill in the blank boxes to complete the Communication Cycle. Sender Receiver Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 10

The Artist and the Communicator Page 11 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Direct Communication Exercise Review the following explanation of each step. STEP 1: Describe to the other disputant his or her specific behavior that is getting in the way of your ability to resolve the conflict. This will help you and the party involved stay focused. Approach: Keep your message focused on the behavior, not the personality. Remember that your goal is to communicate a way of correcting a situation that is interfering with the dialogue. Example: When you yell at me. STEP 2: Express your feelings and reactions about the other person s behavior. Talking about how you feel gives the other person information about how his or her behavior is impacting you. Approach: Speak using I rather than generalizing; use I feel rather than everyone feels. Example: I feel attacked STEP 3: Suggest an alternate behavior. The benefit is that this provides specific information on what you need from the other person. Approach: First ask specifically what you want the other person to do. Be sure that it s doable. Give suggestions, requesting rather than commanding. Example: Please try to speak to me rather than yell at me. STEP 4: Outline the positive results and offer support; review the situation. This will provide an opportunity to make sure that the other person understands what is expected from the new behavior, and also feels encouraged. Approach: Revisit the points discussed, focusing on the importance of the change in behavior. Be positive about the outcome. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 12

Now, think of a past experience where you were engaged in conflict with a customer and answer the following: 1. What was the behavior? Describe it. 2. Describe your feelings when the behavior occurred. How did you react? 3. What would you like to see changed? What alternative behavior could you suggest? 4. How could you end on a positive note? Page 13 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Effective Listening Self-Assessment Not Usually Sometimes Always My mind is completely absorbed by what they are saying and it seldom wanders when I speak with others. I hold my comments until the other person is finished speaking. I allow distractions like ringing telephones, busy street traffic, or other conversations in a room distract my attention from what someone is saying to me. I tend to acknowledge what is being said with statements such as I understand and I see. I encourage the conversation and ensure that it will be a two-way flow of communication by asking open-ended questions. I demonstrate to others that I am listening by confirming that I understand what they are saying. I judge and respond to only the value of what is being said rather than the way and manner in which a person says it. When I am talking with others, I read their body language, as well as listen to their words, to fully interpret what they are telling me When talking with others, I try to read what s going on behind their spoken words by asking myself what they might be feeling, why they are saying what they are saying, and what is implied by what they say. Whenever I talk with others, I either take mental or written notes of the major idea, the key points, and the supporting points and/or reasons Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 14

Components of Active Listening Identify in the second column the letter of the correct definition for each. A. Concentrate Gather information about your speaker through questions and statements. B. Acknowledge Dealing successfully with highly charged messages in a thoughtful manner. C. Research Observe nonverbal messages and body language of speaker. D. Emotional Control Organize the information you get through listening, observing, and note-taking. E. Sensing Focus your attention on the speaker and only the speaker. F. Structure Demonstrate interest and attention. Page 15 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Verbal Encouragers Identify some phrases and verbal encouragers you can use to let the other person know you are listening and understand their point of view. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 16

Escalate Vs. Acknowledge The following is a list of typical remarks heard in a conflict situation. Mark E for those that lead to escalation or A for those that acknowledge the other party s position. (See the first two lines for examples.) E Why didn t you listen? A That must have been hard for you. It s interesting that You ought to apologize to her for In other words I think you re hiding something. If you really felt that way, you would have So you think that Your main concern is If I were you You are angry because You re just trying to get out of it. You say that this issue is important to you. You feel frustrated that the machine is not working. Your office supplies are the most expensive in the department. You see yourself as a very dedicated employee. You re so late, I don t think you ll ever get it done. You re always disrupting the meeting. It s upsetting that your overtime is interfering with your family life. It will never work. You are wondering if this problem can be solved. Page 17 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Clarifying Fact Vs. Opinion Place the letter F in front of the sentences you see as statements of Fact and place the letter O in front of the sentences you see as Opinions. 1. You spend too much time doing the job. 2. When I showed up yesterday, no one was home. 3. You're too impatient. 4. The work that you did was great. 5. The conditions you requested were approved. 6. It's not fair that you always get the easier assignments at this company. When you have completed the above exercise, rewrite those sentences that you identified as opinions on the lines below, putting them in the form of factual statements. Identifying Real Issues Jot down some responses to Uncovering the Hidden Agenda. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 18

Non-judgmental Exercise In each of the situations below, pretend you are the recipient of a complaint. Decide initially what the complainer s interest really is. Then think of a response that recognizes the complainer s interest and initiates a discussion, thereby avoiding an argument. I had to show the engineer how to fix it, but he took all the credit himself. Interest: Nonjudgmental response: Debbie always chit chats too much. I can never get anything done. Interest: Nonjudgmental response: Mike always leaves his equipment in a mess. Interest: Nonjudgmental response: This is my property and you can t make me take down my shed. Interest: Nonjudgmental response: Mark always comes to me for help, but then he cuts me off in the parking lot and laughs at me. Interest: Nonjudgmental response: Page 19 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Building Rapport: The Non-verbal Component Identify all of the body language and paralanguage traits you need to be aware of when communicating with another person. Body Language Paralanguage Keep in mind Sometimes it isn t just what you say, but the way that you say something that makes the most difference. Your ability to be in command with both your language and your paralanguage is significant to your effectiveness in communicating with others. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 20

Voice Tone: Guided Note-taking Complete each definition. Vocal cues that you should be aware of include: Page 21 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Body Language In your teams, come up with some factors to consider for each. Posture Eye contact Facial expressions Hand gestures Space Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 22

Five Techniques for Success 1. I vs. YOU Language 2. Anticipation 3. Self-Interest 4. Limit-Setting 5. Consequences I vs. You Review: Guided Note-taking Fill in the appropriate terms. Communicate Your Statements with I Use I statements when expressing your Turning You Statements into I Statements You were wrong.. You made a mistake.. Your idea will never work.. Page 23 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Creating Anticipatory Statements You can use this technique to gain cooperation, influence others, win respect, or overcome stereotypes others may have about you. Fill in the appropriate terms. reactions reactions into your statements I understand it will be an inconvenience for you when we are working in your backyard. I realize that you don t have to allow us on your property but it will be a big help to your community if you do. Self-Interest: Guided Note-taking By keeping other people s self-interest in mind, you re much more likely to gain their cooperation and support. Fill in the appropriate terms. Determine your areas of self-interest. Incorporate those * of self-interest into your statements to them. Identify some of the self-interests of the customers you deal with. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 24

Limit-Setting: Guided Note-taking In Limit-Setting, you define the parameters of a relationship or situation so that expectations are clear to all. Fill in the appropriate terms. Communicate by letting others know what you will or won t do. Be careful not to communicate in a non-assertive, manner. Clarify by establishing agreements, and setting specific dates, times and expectations for how work is to be completed. Creating Limit-Setting Statements Rewrite each of the following statements so that they include a limit. I don t think I ll have much time to help you. It s not a good idea to be late. I was expecting to be paid more. Our production people need more time. It may be difficult to get both of these projects done when you want them. Page 25 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Consequences The definition of consequence is an action or sanction that states to the other person the likely outcome of continuing a problematic behavior. Fill in the appropriate terms. State before severe become necessary. State in a manner. Make sure that you have power to back up whatever you state as a consequence. Remember that consequences must be and that follow through is essential. Is it illegal? Ethical Dilemma Checklist Does it meet my ethical standards? Does it comply with my company standards? Does it comply with Land Surveying Practice Guidelines? Will it compromise safety and quality standards? If I perform this act, will I feel bad afterwards? Would I do it if someone I respect was watching me? How would I feel if my actions appeared in the media? If I know it is wrong don t do it! If I am not sure ask. Keep asking until I get an answer. Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 26

Quote of the Moment I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you. I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I believe-that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I believe- That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I believe- That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I believe- That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. I believe- That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. I believe- That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I believe- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I believe-that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I believe- That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. I believe- That you should share this message with all of the people that you believe in. Page 27 Dealing with Difficult Customers