Parters i Paretig A DATAR/FIRST CHOICE Treatmet Maual Norma G. Bartholomew, M.A. Daica K. Kight, Ph.D. Lois R. Chatham, Ph.D. D. Dwaye Simpso, Ph.D. Istitute of Behavioral Research Texas Christia Uiversity
Parters i Paretig A DATAR/FIRST CHOICE Treatmet Maual Norma G. Bartholomew Daica K. Kight Lois R. Chatham D. Dwaye Simpso Parters i Paretig i
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This maual was developed as part of Ceter for Substace Abuse Treatmet (CSAT) Grat 1 HD8 TI11119-01007, The Salvatio Army First Choice Program for Drug-Addicted Wome with Childre ad the Natioal Istitute o Drug Abuse (NIDA) Grat R01 DA06162, Drug Abuse Treatmet Assessmet Research (DATAR). The Par arters i Par aretig maual was researched ad compiled by Norma Bartholomew ad Dr. Daica Kight. Appreciatio is expressed to developmet team members Dr. Barry Brow, Dr. Lois Chatham, ad Dr. Dwaye Simpso for their editorial suggestios, ad to Lida Houser ad Charlotte Pevoto for their valuable assistace with layout ad desig. The Par arters i Par aretig traiig module ad all related data collectio forms may be used for persoal, educatioal, research, ad/or iformatio purposes. Permissio is hereby grated to reproduce ad distribute copies of these materials (except reprited passages from copyrighted sources) for oprofit educatioal ad oprofit library purposes, provided that copies are distributed at or below costs ad that credit for author, source, ad copyright are icluded o each copy. No material may be copied, dowloaded, stored i a retrieval system, or redistributed for ay commercial purpose without the expressed writte permissio of Texas Christia Uiversity. For more iformatio, please cotact: Istitute of Behavioral Research Texas Christia Uiversity TCU Box 298740 Fort Worth, TX 76129 (817) 257-7226 (817) 257-7290 (FAX) Email: ibr@tcu.edu Web site: www.ibr.tcu.edu Copyright 2002 Texas Christia Uiversity, Fort Worth, Texas. All rights reserved. ii A TCU /DATAR Maual
Parters i Paretig Table of Cotets Sectio Page Itroductio...iv Ideas for Usig this Maual... vii Sessio Oe: Buildig a Partership... 1 Sessio Two: Child Developmet... 21 Sessio Three: Family Commuicatio: Active Listeig... 53 Sessio Four: Family Commuicatio: Buildig Uderstadig... 75 Sessio Five: Helpig Childre Behave... 101 Sessio Six: Sesible Disciplie... 123 Sessio Seve: Self Care for Parets... 145 Sessio Eight: Tomorrow ad Beyod... 167 Resources... 187 Refereces... 191 Evaluatio Materials: Pre & Post Questioaire... 193 Appedix: Supplemetal Readig Materials...197 Parters i Paretig iii
Itroductio The Parters i Paretig module was desiged to address the eeds ad cocers of parets i substace abuse treatmet programs. The maual provides materials ad istructios for leadig a workshop that focuses o cocepts importat for paretig effectiveess such as commuicatio skills, guidace techiques, ad positive disciplie strategies. The emphasis is o buildig skills, providig support, ad helpig parets uderstad the eeds ad abilities of childre durig differet stages of developmet. The maual cotais materials for eight structured workshop sessios that ca be implemeted accordig to program ad participat eeds. Each sessio icludes istructios for leadig the sessio, alog with hadouts, discussio questios, ad ideas for presetig iformatio o the topics covered. Homework assigmets are icluded to ecourage practice of paretig skills betwee sessios. Articles of iterest, resources for obtaiig teachig materials, ad a bibliography of additioal readig also are icluded i this maual. The structured workshop sessios are desiged for eight weekly meetigs of about two hours each. However, some flexibility is recommeded. I practice, discussios of paretig issues have bee kow to become lively ad idividual participats have bee foud to eed extra support ad processig time whe paiful memories are triggered. Therefore, loger sessios or extra sessios may be warrated. (See discussio of Extra Meetigs i the Ideas for Usig This Maual sectio.) The followig topics are covered i the workshop: Sessio Oe: Buildig a Partership The first meetig ceters o group buildig ad itroducig the philosophy ad toe of the workshop. Participats are ecouraged to thik about curret paretig cocers ad challeges, their goals ad expectatios for the workshop, ad the stregths ad skills they cotribute to the group. Sessio Two: Child Developmet Effective paretig requires a clear uderstadig of the developmetal limitatios ad abilities of childre at differet ages. This sessio focuses o child developmet, commo paretig issues at differet developmetal stages, ad paretal expectatios. Guidace strategies for childre of differet ages are itroduced ad discussed. iv A TCU /DATAR Maual
Sessio Three: Family Commuicatio: Active Listeig This sessio itroduces participats to the skill of listeig as a foudatio for effective family commuicatio. Techiques for coveyig acceptace ad emotioal support through active listeig skills are highlighted ad participats are ivited to explore their curret listeig style. How effective listeig ca be used i various paretig situatios is discussed. Sessio Four: Family Commuicatio: Buildig Uderstadig Cotiuig with the theme of family commuicatio, this sessio itroduces participats to speakig skills that help icrease uderstadig ad cooperatio. The impact of overbal commuicatio is emphasized, ad parets are itroduced to I-Messages as a strategy for commuicatig clearly about feeligs ad for settig limits ad makig requests. Sessio Five: Helpig Childre Behave This sessio is desiged to help participats master strategies for icreasig desired behaviors i their childre through the use of praise, reiforcemet, settig limits, redirectio, ad modelig. Ieffective methods of hadlig childre s misbehavior are discussed ad commuicatio skills that work well for providig child guidace are reiforced. Sessio Six: Sesible Disciplie Disciplie strategies are aimed at decreasig uwated behaviors i childre. This sessio focuses o techiques for effective ad fair disciplie, icludig igorig, time out, ad atural ad logical cosequeces. The reasos for childre s misbehavior are explored, alog with commo disciplie problems ad recommeded solutios. Sessio Seve: Self-Care for Parets This sessio ackowledges the stress, isecurity, ad low sese of self-esteem experieced by may parets who feel overwhelmed by paretig resposibilities. Participats are ecouraged to focus o self-care ad to pay attetio to the potetial egative impacts of ot carig for themselves. Assertiveess, affirmatios, time maagemet, ad strategies for dealig with the stress that results from egative self-talk are addressed. Sessio Eight: Tomorrow ad Beyod The fial structured sessio emphasizes problem-solvig, plaig, ad ecouragig resiliece i childre. Parets are itroduced to a problem-solvig model Parters i Paretig v
for workig through future paretig challeges. The sessio also provides closure for the workshop by askig participats to review their paretig goals from the first sessio, to assess progress, ad to set goals for the future. Time is allowed for a recogitio activity (e. g., distributig completio certificates or awards). I coclusio, the Parters i Paretig workshop has bee desiged to guide ad support parets as they improve their commuicatio, problem solvig, ad guidace skills with their childre. It is hoped that by offerig a forum where recoverig parets with similar cocers ca discuss optios ad solutios for better paretig, the result will be stroger, happier, ad more supportive families. vi A TCU /DATAR Maual
Ideas for Usig This Maual The Par arters i Par aretig maual cotais materials for eight structured workshop sessios. This sectio has bee icluded to help couselors prepare for leadig workshop sessios. It icludes tips, techiques, ad ideas to refresh ad stregthe group leadership skills. Prepar eparatio atio Workshop leaders will beefit from allowig adequate preparatio time for review ad self-study. The Resources ad Refereces sectios of this maual cotai listigs for books, articles, web sites, ad videos that may be helpful. The followig selectios provide a good overview of paretig approaches discussed i the workshop: Crary, E. (1993). Without Spakig or Spoilig. Seattle: Paretig Press. Crary, E. (1990). Pick Up Your Socks ad Other Skills Growig Childre Need. Seattle: Paretig Press. Gordo, T. (1991). Disciplie That Works: Promotig Self-Disciplie i Childre. New York: Plume Books. Gordo, T. (1970). P.E.T.: Paretig Effectiveess Traiig. New York: Peter H. Wyde. Nelse, J. (1996). Positive Disciplie. New York: Ballatie Books. Parters i Paretig vii
Logistics Each structured sessio of Par arters i Par aretig covers about two hours of material. Cosider the followig logistics issues i your plaig ad preparatio: Group selectio The groups are desiged for wome ad me who are actively ivolved i paretig childre. Potetial members should be emotioally stable, possess adequate social skills for group iteractio, ad ot be i serious crisis. I additio, exercises, activities, ad hadouts used i the workshop require basic literacy i Eglish. Group size The ideal group size is likely to vary by treatmet settig. I residetial programs where cliets live i close quarters ad daily issues fid their way ito group discussios, smaller groups may work better. We foud that a core group of 6 8 participats worked well i a small, residetial wome s program, whereas groups with 10 12 participats were suitable for outpatiet programs. A active, highly participatory group may beefit from havig the sessio material split ad preseted over two meetigs (see sectio o Extra Meetigs). Meetig room Tables or desks should be part of the seatig arragemets, sice may of the workshop exercises ad activities iclude writig o worksheets. Other activities call for participats to move aroud the room or to work i pairs/small groups, so the meetig area should be large eough to hold everyoe comfortably. I additio, the room should offer participats a sese of privacy. Equipmet Group leaders will eed a flip chart or a eraser board for writig dow key poits durig discussios ad braistormig activities. Breaks/r eaks/refr efreshmets eshmets Offer participats a short break (10 miutes) at a logical stoppig place mid- sessio. Coffee ad other refreshmets ca add a ice touch ad are geerally appreciated by group members. Child care Make child care available for participats durig the meetigs if at all possible. I this way, parets ca atted without viii A TCU /DATAR Maual
Extra Meetigs the stress of arragig for a sitter ad will be better able to cocetrate o the workshop material. The child care room should be separate from the workshop room to help avoid distractios. I additio to the eight structured sessios cotaied i the maual, extra sessios may be added to exted discussio ad processig or to practice specific paretig skills. For example, we have foud that cliets ofte desire to discuss ad process family-of-origi issues that arise quite spotaeously as a result of the topics addressed i the workshop. I the wome s residetial program where this workshop was piloted, couselors foud it productive to help participats process these issues whe they arose. I order to allow the time eeded, the structured workshop material i each sessio was divided ad preseted over two meetigs. I this program, the Par arters i Par aretig materials were spread out over 15 meetigs. Ideally, extra meetigs should cotiue or expad the topics covered i the structured sessios. Beyod allowig time for processig issues ad persoal experieces, some other ideas for extra meetigs might iclude: Use the meetig to show trigger films (short vigettes about paretig situatios ad resposes) ad discuss them vis-à-vis paretig skills ad issues raised i the workshop material. Popular TV programs or sit-coms ca provide excellet sprigboards for such discussios. I additio, paretig or metal health agecies i your area may have educatioal videos for loa or ret. To purchase paretig videos, check the Resources sectio of this maual for available catalogs. Extra meetigs ca be used to provide hads-o directios for specific paretig tips ad techiques. This may iclude usig the meetig to give parets time to actually costruct icetive charts or other homemade games for ecouragig childre s positive behaviors. For example, leaders ca provide poster board, paits, ad other materials ad show parets how to make a Parters i Paretig ix
icetive chart, a grid with behaviors like brushig teeth or takig out the trash listed i a colum, with spaces ext to each behavior where stars or checks ca be placed each time the behavior is doe. Parets ca braistorm how may stars are eeded for a small reward, as well as what types of persoal, iexpesive rewards might be appropriate for their child. For example, a week s worth of brushig teeth equals stayig up a extra hour o Friday ight. Likewise, group leaders ca teach parets how to use these types of games ad activities to ecourage ad reiforce childre s cooperatio. Use extra meetigs to teach parets how to orgaize ad hold family meetigs. Oce family meetigs have bee iitiated i their families, parets ca use the time to discuss progress ad get poiters from other parets. Role play ca be used to help parets practice problem solvig ad commuicatio skills. Dedicate the extra meetigs to allowig parets to discuss their experieces i actually usig the paretig skills ad techiques suggested i the structured sessios. Group leaders ca provide further guidace i choosig ad usig appropriate reward ad disciplie strategies ad participats ca offer each other support ad ecouragemet. Modelig ad Role Play The Par arters i Par aretig material ecourages group leaders to model (demostrate) appropriate commuicatio skills (listeig, I-Messages, overbal cogruece) ad guidace techiques (time out, settig limits, redirectio, eforcig cosequeces). As part of the preparatio process, leaders may fid it helpful to practice with peers ad get feedback o the most useful ways of modelig the recommeded strategies. Role play is used extesively i the structured sessios to help participats practice ew skills ad become comfortable usig them. Here are some thigs to keep i mid whe leadig role plays. You may fid it helpful to use some of this iformatio to prepare your opeig discussio of role play with group members: x A TCU /DATAR Maual
Role play is ot drama. Ecourage participats to be atural ad focus o helpig each other create realistic situatios for practicig paretig ad commuicatio skills. Stop ad start the role play, as eeded. It is sometimes helpful to role play just a few lies ad resposes, stop ad process the iteractio, the allow role players to repeat the sceario icorporatig the feedback geerated durig the processig discussio. Whe processig a role play, ecourage participats to talk about their feeligs as well as the skills beig practiced. Teach participats how to give each other helpful ad costructive feedback. For example, I thik your child might liste better if you lowered your voice a little, is more costructive feedback tha You re yellig! No woder your child igores you! Do t force ayoe to participate i role playig. Some people may be too ucomfortable. Remember that some people lear more from observig tha from participatig. Stop the role play if you sese that a participat is becomig distressed or ucomfortable. Let participats kow they ca stop or bow out of a role play at ay time. Whe appropriate, you may wat to take part i a role play activity, either by modelig effective commuicatio or paretig techiques or by modelig a difficult child so that a member ca practice. Ecourage the group to discuss both verbal ad overbal commuicatio i the role play sceario. Help stress the importace appropriate overbal commuicatio for effective paretig. If the paretig or commuicatio techiques used by a member durig role play are ieffective or iappropriate, ask the participat or other group members for alteratives. For example, Based o what we discussed today i the group, ca you thik of aother way to disciplie the child that might work better? Oce a effective suggestio is geerated, use role play to rehearse how it would look ad soud. Parters i Paretig xi
Evaluatio Thak members for participatig i the role plays. Fid opportuities to offer praise ad complimet their willigess to try. There is a idividual evaluatio form for each sessio of Parters i Paretig (located at the ed of the sessio). This simple evaluatio is desiged to give group leaders some geeral feedback about the cliets reactios to the material, what they foud most useful, ad a global ratig of the sessio. Programs iterested i a more formal evaluatio of the material ca use the Parters i Paretig Pre & Post Questioaire (pp. 193-195). I additio to measurig icreases i kowledge based o the workshop cotet, the istrumet is desiged to capture chages i attitudes about paretig strategies, as well as chages i parets sese of self-efficacy. To admiister the pretest ad posttest questioaires, time should be allowed before the first sessio ad followig the last sessio. I some cases, group leaders may wat to schedule a special meetig before the workshop starts (ad agai after the workshop is over) to admiister the questioaires. The same questioaire is used for both pre ad post admiistratio. I the gray box area of the form, the perso who admiisters it ca circle whether it s beig give as Pre or Post. The gray box also features a area for collectig cliet idetificatio, dates, ad other iformatio to help match pretests with posttests. xii A TCU /DATAR Maual
Buildig a Partership Sessio Legth: 2 hours Objectives Syopsis Participats will: Uderstad the purpose ad philosophy of the group Idetify curret paretig issues ad problems Idetify persoal goals for improved paretig Explore curret stregths ad resources The first group is desiged to help reiforce the title of the workshop Parters i Paretig. Group leaders preset themselves as guides, ot gurus, ad participats are recogized as the primary authorities about their relatioships with their childre. Time is allowed for group buildig. The structure ad philosophy of the group is explaied ad participats are asked to thik about curret paretig cocers, their stregths ad copig skills to date, ad their persoal goals ad expectatios for the group. Sessio Outlie Procedure Welcome Workshop itroductio Member itroductios Group cotract Cocers ad goals Cocludig ideas Homework Total Time for Sessio 1 Time 05 miutes 15 miutes 30 miutes 15 miutes 40 miutes 10 miutes 05 miutes 120 miutes Parters i Paretig 1
Buildig a Partership MATERIALS AND PREPARATION 4 Here s what you will eed to have ready for the group: POCKET FOLDERS Provide iexpesive cardboard pocket folders for participats to store hadouts ad exercises. COPIES OF MATERIALS Make copies of the followig hadouts, located at the ed of the sessio: l Workshop Schedule (p. 13) [Note: Fill i dates before l photocopyig] Tower of Stregths worksheet (p. 14) & word list (p. 15) (optioal) l Priciples for a Productive Group (p. 16) l Goal Talk (p. 17) l My Goals for Better Paretig (p. 18) l Four Assumptios for Group (p. 20) l Sessio Oe Evaluatio (p. 20) SUPPORT MATERIALS Equip meetig room with a flipchart ad easel, eraser board, or chalkboard. If you are usig a flipchart, have maskig tape or push pis available to hag completed pages for easy referece. Have extra pes, pecils, ad paper available i case participats eed them. 2 A TCU/DATAR Maual
PROCEDURE WELCOME / WORKSHOP INTRODUCTION 20 Miutes 1 Welcome participats as they arrive. Hadout, p. 13 2 Distribute pocket folders ad Workshop Schedule hadout. Fill i meetig dates ahead of time or allow time for participats to add dates. To get us started, each of you is beig give a folder ad a outlie of what to expect i this paretig workshop. The folders are yours to keep, so you might wat to put your ames o them. Durig the workshop you ll be give a lot of hadouts ad iformatio. We ve foud from other groups that participats like to keep these materials ad that the folders help keep thigs orgaized. You ve also bee provided a outlie that gives you a idea of the geeral topic areas we ll cover. Parters i Paretig 3 Itroduce the purpose, philosophy, ad structure of the Parters i Paretig workshop. Iclude the followig poits: This workshop is for sharig ad learig, ad for givig ad gettig support for the most challegig job i the world - beig a paret. This workshop recogizes ad respects your courage as a recoverig perso ad your cocers about the impact of your past addictio o your family. We will work to make this group a safe place where these issues ca be brought forth ad discussed without fear of judgmet or blame. As group leaders, we will fuctio as parters ad guides, ot as experts or gurus. We ll keep thigs o track ad share what we ve leared about paretig with you. Ad we recogize that each of you brigs valuable experieces ad stregths to the group, as well, to share. 3
Buildig a Partership If there were a magic bullet for raisig perfect childre who were always polite, helpful, well behaved, resourceful, ad respectful, someoe would have ucovered it by ow. For most of us, paretig ivolves a lot of trial ad error. A ope mid ad a willigess to experimet with ew techiques are what help may parets muddle through. This workshop will cover basic paretig issues ad itroduce you to some tips ad techiques recommeded by experts for maagig commo family problems. As with almost everythig i life, practice is the key, so you will be asked to experimet at home with some of the ideas suggested ad you ll have a chace to rehearse with fellow group members. Our workig focus i this group will be o idetifyig persoal stregths ad resources ad o fidig workable solutios to paretig problems. Solutios are ot oe-size-fits-all. But sometimes we ca tailor thigs that have worked for others to meet our ow uique eeds. We ll use today to idetify some of the paretig cocers ad problems that are weighig most heavily o your mid ad to talk about what you wat to get from this workshop. We ll also establish some group goals to help guide us i our work. Before we do ay of that, however, we re goig to sped some time gettig to kow each other. 30 Miutes MEMBER INTRODUCTIONS 4 Go aroud the room ad ask participats to itroduce themselves, ad to tell a little about their childre - ages, ames, ad each child s favorite game, toy, or pastime. 5 Welcome everyoe agai, ad commet o the good mix of paretig experiece represeted ad how the group will beefit from that experiece. 4 A TCU/DATAR Maual
6 Establish a focus for the group buildig activity: For some of the work we ll be doig, you ll be asked to put your paretig hat to oe side, ad focus o the other hats you wear. I other words, although beig a paret is a very importat part of who you are, there are other parts as well. For the activities we ll be doig today to get to kow each other better, focus o you ad who you are - ot just who you are as a paret. You ll have plety of opportuity to focus o the paretig part as this workshop cotiues. For today, we wat to get to kow each other as people. 7 Use the allotted time to begi buildig group cohesio ad trust. Oe or more of the followig icebreaker activities may be used: u Roud-Robi Name Toss è Have the group stad facig each other i a circle. è Ask members to thik of a adjective that describes them i a positive way that begis with the same letter as their first ame (e.g., Nice Nacy, Rugged Ralph, Carig Carla, Magic Maria.) è Go aroud the circle ad have people itroduce themselves with their adjective (e.g., Hi, I m Eergetic Elea). After each itroductio, istruct the group to repeat the ame back i uiso (e.g., Hello, Eergetic Elea). è The ask each perso to go aroud the circle ad say everyoe s ame (e.g., I m Nice Nacy, ext to me is Rugged Ralph, the Carig Carla, the Magic Maria, etc.) è Itroduce a bea-bag or soft spoge ball, ad tell the group you wat to see how fast the group ca toss the ball aroud while rememberig to say everyoe s ame. è The rules for the toss are: (1) call out the ame of the perso who you are tossig to (e.g., I m throwig it to you, Rugged Ralph), ad (2) after you ve caught the ball, use the thrower s ame before throwig it yourself (e.g., Got it, Calm Carl. Here you go Magic Maria). Parters i Paretig 5
Buildig a Partership è Istruct them to toss the ball radomly, ad ot aroud the circle. Allow the group to practice slowly to get the rules dow. The ask them to see how fast they ca get the ball goig i 1 or 2 miutes. è Discuss the activity:? How did it feel to have to pick a positive adjective for yourself?? How will this exercise help you remember group member s ames? u My Favorite Thigs About Me è Make sure participats have paper ad pes to write with. If group size is 8 or more, divide them ito smaller groups. è Ask participats to thik of the 5 thigs they like best about themselves. These could be attitudes, feeligs, values, accomplishmets, or thigs they do well. These thigs eed ot be lofty or complicated. è I additio, ask them to thik about times or situatios i which they have demostrated or put ito actio each of the thigs they like best about themselves. Ask them to make otes if eeded. è Allow some time to itrospect ad make otes. è Whe participats fiish the task, ask everyoe to take turs i their group describig the thigs they like best about themselves ad give examples. è Istruct those who are ot speakig to liste carefully without makig commets. Allow everyoe to have a tur. è Discuss the activity:? How did you feel about doig this exercise?? What did you lear about yourself?? What did you lear from others?? How come we are usually shy about revealig our good poits? 6 A TCU/DATAR Maual
u Tower of Stregths Worksheet & Hadout, pp. 14-15 è Distribute Tower of Stregths worksheet ad Stregths Word List hadout. è Ask participats to look through the Stregths Word List ad to circle 10 words that describe stregths they believe they possess. è Next, ask them to select 5 more words that describe stregths they would like to develop or that they are workig o developig. è Istruct them to write their curret stregths ad desired stregths i the appropriate spaces o the worksheet. è Ask participats to share their worksheets, first by describig their curret stregths ad givig examples, ad the by sharig their desired stregths ad why they are importat. è Discuss the activity:? Was it easier to idetify curret stregths or desired stregths? Why?? How ca we lear to focus o our persoal stregths?? How do we develop stregths? What steps do we take? 8 Thak group members for their participatio ad for their willigess to self-disclose. 15 Miutes GROUP CONTRACT 9 Itroduce the purpose for havig a group cotract: Groups work best if participats have a sese of their rights ad resposibilities ad ca develop a sese of safety ad trust. By establishig some priciples for how the group will operate, members ca relax ad be productive. Let s review some guidelies for our group that we have foud to be helpful with other groups. Hadout, p. 16 10 Distribute copies of the Priciples for a Productive Group hadout, review each poit, ad discuss why it is importat. Ecourage questios. Parters i Paretig 7
Buildig a Partership 11 Ask group members to sig their copy to show that they agree with priciples suggested for the group ad that they ited to remai a member of the group. Collect the siged copies. 40 Miutes PARENTING CONCERNS AND GOALS 12 Set the toe for participats to discuss curret cocers ad challeges about paretig: Parets who are i recovery have a lot i commo. Paretig, eve i the best of circumstaces, is a challege. Paretig i the midst of a ogoig substace abuse problem probably felt like a impossibility to may of you. The most importat thig to remember at this poit is that you survived those days, ad your childre survived. Now is the time for healig ad rebuildig relatioships. Both are slow processes. Noe of us has the ability to fix uhappy thigs that happeed i the past. This reality leaves most of us with feeligs of remorse ad regret. We ca get hope from realizig that it is possible to make positive chages ow, today ad ito the future. The purpose of this group is to help i that process. Before we move o to establishig our group goals, let s discuss some of the paretig cocers ad challeges that helped motivate you to joi this group. 13 Ecourage a discussio of paretig cocers usig some of the followig questios. Keep discussio focused o cocers about the paret-child relatioship (e.g., move participats away from usig time to vetilate about fiacial problems, child custody issues, ex-spouses, etc.). Use a flip chart or erasable board to list participats ideas. Model supportive listeig ad validatio of feeligs ad cocers.? What cocers you most about your relatioship with your child right ow?? Is there aythig you are particularly worried about? 8 A TCU/DATAR Maual
? Are there ay feeligs you have, or feeligs you sese your child may have, that cocer you?? Are there ay recurrig problems you d like to see resolved?? I spite of all the cocers ad challeges we ve bee talkig about, what is oe thig you would ot wat to chage about your relatioship with your child.? 14 Summarize the cocers raised by the group. Highlight the positive aspects of their paret-child relatioships as voluteered i the last questio. Briefly uderscore how the topics that will be addressed i group ad the group iteractio itself will help members further address their cocers. Hadout, p. 17 15 Lead participats i establishig group goals. Distribute Goal Talk hadout ad help create a workig defiitio of goals before proceedig. As metioed earlier, takig a few miutes to thik seriously about goals ad to establish group goals will help keep us o track. Goals ca be thought of as actio plas for creatig solutios to curret paretig cocers ad problems. Your hadout highlights the differeces betwee log rage plas ad goals. Let s examie some of those. 16 Read hadout poits aloud ad discuss the followig poits: Both log-rage plas ad goals are importat. Goals are the workhorse, while the log-rage pla is the visio. Goals are accomplished ad reached oe day at a time. Worksheet, p. 18 17 Distribute My Goals for Better Paretig worksheet ad ask participats to write dow a few goals they are iterested i workig toward as part of the workshop. Parters i Paretig 9
Buildig a Partership 18 Prompt with some of the followig questios:? What do you most wat to get out of this workshop?? What do you wat to lear about most?? What issues or cocers do you wat help with?? What might this workshop provide that will help you most i your job as a paret?? What do you hope to gai from other members? 19 Ask participats to cotribute oe of their goals to a list of group goals. Use flip chart paper or a piece of poster board to record group goals as members offer them. With participats help, frame goals i laguage that is specific, yet geeral eough to apply to most families (e.g., lear better ways to cotrol my child s tatrums, lear to cotrol my ow temper whe child misbehaves). Based o everythig we ve discussed today, let s geerate a list of group goals. Goals that relate to learig ad to developig ew skills are especially helpful. Let s begi by havig each perso state a goal for this workshop based o your eeds ad cocers as a paret. We ll add to the list as eeded. 20 Review completed list of goals. Thak participats for their iput. Briefly reassure them that most of the issues reflected i their goals will be addressed withi the topics to be covered durig the workshop. 21 Let participats kow you will keep the goals list, ad that reviewig it will be part of the busiess of the fial meetig. I additio, the group may wat to refer back to specific goals durig the workshop. 10 A TCU/DATAR Maual
10 Miutes CONCLUDING DISCUSSION 22 Provide wrap-up ad closure for the sessio. Highlight the followig poits: We will begi coverig the topics described i the outlie at our ext meetig. The dates ad times for each group meetig are icluded o the outlie. As we cover each topic, you ll have a chace to explore the issues you ve idetified i the group goals. You may wat to keep a list of questios or ideas that occur to you betwee sessios. As we explore issues related to developig a more effective paretig style ad learig ew skills, we will keep four assumptios i mid: Four Assumptios 1. You are the expert o your child ad o your relatioship with your child. 2. There are may thigs you are doig well, so, if it ai t broke, do t fix it. 3. If it works, keep doig more of it. 4. If it does t work, do somethig differet. I the weeks ahead, we ll be explorig how to use your resourcefuless ad good itelligece to figure out how to do thigs that work i your relatioship with your childre. Hadout, p. 19 23 Distribute Four Assumptios hadout. 5 Miutes HOMEWORK 24 Itroduce the purpose ad guidelies for homework suggestios that will be a feature of each group. At the ed of each meetig, there will be a suggestio for a homework activity or experimet. These will ot be difficult or too timecosumig, however, they will require some thought ad effort. Parters i Paretig 11
Buildig a Partership We ll discuss the previous week s suggested homework at the begiig of each sessio. This will allow us to share with each other the successes or difficulties we ecouter with the ew skills we ll be learig. These take-home assigmets will help you stay focused o your goals ad accomplishmets. I previous groups, participats have foud the assigmets to be fu, iterestig, ad helpful. 25 Give the followig homework suggestio: Here s the assigmet for ext week: Betwee ow ad the time we meet agai, I d like for you to pay attetio to all the thigs that happe i your relatioship with your child(re) that you wat to cotiue to have happe. It may help you to keep some otes, but it s ot ecessary if you do t wat to. The importat thig is to pay attetio to thigs that happe betwee you ad your child that you wat to cotiue to have happe. I other words, what works, what s good. We ll talk about this assigmet as well as may other thigs ext time. See you the. 26 Thak participats for comig ad for their participatio. Ivite them to retur to the ext sessio. Sessio Evaluatio, p. 20 27 Ask participats to complete a Sessio Evaluatio form before leavig. 12 A TCU/DATAR Maual
Parters i Paretig Workshop Schedule Sessio Topic Date ONE Itroductio Discussio Group TWO Child Developmet Discussio Group THREE Family Commuicatio Discussio Group FOUR Family Commuicatio Discussio Group FIVE Promotig Good Behavior Discussio Group SIX Sesible Disciplie Discussio Group SEVEN Self-Care for Parets Discussio Group EIGHT Problem-Solvig Graduatio Parters i Paretig 13
TOWER O STRENGTHS Buildig a Partership STRENGTHS I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE STRENGTHS I KNOW I HAVE 14 A TCU/DATAR Maual
TOWER O STRENGTHS WORD LIST Adaptable Adveturous Ambitious Artistic Athletic Believes i self Brave Commuity-mided Competitive Coteted Cool-headed Cooperative Curious Dedicated Depedable Determied Edurace Eergetic Ethusiastic Ethical Eve-haded Expressive air lexible orgivig riedly uy Geerous Good itetioed Good memory Happy Hard-workig Healthy Hoest Imagiative Idepedet Kid Learer Likeable Logical Lovig Loyal Mechaical Musical Optimistic Ope-mided Orgaized Patiet Peacemaker People-perso Persistet Polite Practical Pricipled Problem-solver Quick learer Quick thiker Relaxed Religious Resposible Self-starter Sese of humor Sesitive to others Sicere Smart Spiritual Spotaeous Strog True to self Trustig Trustworthy Warm-hearted From: Sia, T. L., et al., (1999). Tower of Stregth/Weekly Plaer. Lighthouse Istitute. Parters i Paretig 15
Priciples for a Productive Group Buildig a Partership These guidelies are a set of rules to be applied durig group meetigs to isure healthy iteractios. Please read them over carefully ad apply them. 1. Attedace is very importat to the group. Your presece ad participatio are valued ad importat. It is importat that you atted ot oly for yourself, but for other members eedig your support. If you must miss a sessio, please let the group kow ahead of time. If this is ot possible, please leave a message i the office. 2. Please be o time. If you are ruig late, please atted ayway, if possible. 3. Please hoor the cofidetiality of the group. Everyoe must be able to feel comfortable that what they discuss i group will ot be repeated outside of group. 4. Group members eed to be supported whe they talk about their feeligs ad cocers. There is o room i group for judgig ad blamig. Each perso eeds to be able to express feeligs opely without fear of criticism. 5. Practice active listeig. This meas payig full attetio to a group member who is talkig istead of thikig about what you wat to say ext. 6. Paretig is a learig process. What works for oe family may ot always work for aother. As group members we ca offer support, hope, ad ecouragemet, ad at the same time respect that each perso must fid her/ his ow solutios. 7. Remember that each perso i the group eeds a chace to share. Sice our meetigs have a time limit, o oe perso should take over the coversatio. Siged Date Group Member Siged Date Group Leader 16 A TCU/DATAR Maual
Parters i Paretig A LONG RANGE PLAN: Ispires hope & motivatio May be broad & fuzzy Reflects values & dreams Is reached i steps (goals) Examples: Get alog better with my kids. Fiish my educatio. Quit drugs/alcohol. GOAL TALK Goal Goal Goal Goal GOALS ARE: Small Specific Realistic Importat to you Require effort Examples: Read to my child 4 times per week. Make appoitmet with advisor at commuity college. Atted 2 recovery activities per week. 17
Buildig a Partership MY GOALS OR BETTER PARENTING Some of my log-rage plas for better paretig are: Some of my goals for better paretig are: Oe thig I really wat to lear from this class is: 18 A TCU/DATAR Maual
OUR ASSUMPTIONS OR GROUP You are the expert o your child ad o your relatioship with your child. You are already doig may thigs well, so If it ai t broke, do t fix it. If it works, do more of it. If it does t work, do somethig differet. Parters i Paretig 19
Sessio Evaluatio Parters i Paretig Sessio 1 Buildig a Partership INSTRUCTIONS: Please take a miute to give us some feedback about how you liked this sessio. 1. Use oe word to describe your feeligs about today s class 2. What was the most importat thig you leared today? 3. What is oe thig you really like about your relatioship with your child (childre)? 4. O a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate today s class? (Circle your ratig.) 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 Poor Pretty Good Excellet 5. Do you have ay suggestios to help make this class better? 20 A TCU/DATAR Maual