NYS Public Sector Affiliate of National Coalition Building Institute (NCBI) BUILDING EFFECTIVE RELATIONSHIPS IN A DIVERSE WORKPLACE "ALL FOR ONE, ONE FOR ALL" New York State Governor s Office of Employee Relations Civil Service Employees Association, Inc. Public Employees Federation, AFL-CIO
The NCBI program is jointly funded through the negotiated agreement between the State of New York and the Civil Service Employees Association, Inc. and the negotiated agreement between the State of New York and the Public Employees Federation, AFL-CIO. Program administration and additional funding are provided by the Governor s Office of Employee Relations. Adapted and reprinted with permission of the National Coalition Building Institute, from Building Community Through Welcoming Diversity. Copyright 1997 by the National Coalition Building Institute. Revised March 31, 1999
AGENDA Introduction Up/Down Pairs Theory First Thoughts Internalized Oppression Caucuses Speakouts Role Play Participant Materials 3
WORKSHOP OBJECTIVES The objectives of this Workshop are for you to:? Learn approaches for encouraging respect and teamwork.? Expand your understanding and appreciation of diversity.? Identify information and misinformation learned about other groups.? Listen with interest to people different from yourself.? Learn the interests, strengths, and difficulties of groups other than your own.? Discover strategies for reducing and eliminating prejudicial attitudes in the workplace. Participant Materials 4
NCBI PRINCIPLES FOR WELCOMING DIVERSITY? Everyone and every group counts.? An optimistic tone gives people hope.? Confronting the misinformation we ve learned about other people and other groups moves us forward together.? Guilt, politeness, unexpressed anger and disappointment in others keeps prejudice in place.? Welcoming and valuing diversity requires risk-taking and a willingness to make mistakes and clean them up.? Generosity is the key to across group relationships.? Listening to the stories of others changes hearts, attitudes, and behavior.? Listen to or look for the misinformation and/or hurt underneath any oppressive comment, slur, or action.? Everyone has the capacity to lead the workplace in welcoming and valuing diversity.? Creating an open and tolerant workplace is about courageous and principled leadership. Participant Materials 5
EVERYONE AND EVERY GROUP COUNTS We need to figure out how to value the struggles of every group and how we can be helpful allies on their behalf. Parallel to this, we need to value the contributions of every group and make a welcome place for them in our own group. As we develop the capacity to stand with each other, we knit a workplace of trust that gives us support. Whenever we make the error of not including a person or a group, we cut ourselves off from others and their ability to contribute to the organization. Question for consideration: Which groups do I let in; which do I keep out? Participant Materials 6
A TONE OF OPTIMISM GIVES PEOPLE HOPE The constant debate is whether race relations or inter-religious relations or class relations have gotten better or worse. Truthfully, the answer is yes to all these questions. It seems that as we progress on one front, we struggle on another. These times present unique challenges for all of us as we try to figure out how to work together. We need to look at each challenge as a bridge over which we can either cross in peace and in the spirit of workplace harmony, or in suspicion and mistrust. Clearly, of the two, the choice must be in favor of workplace harmony. We need to see these times as wonderful times for hopeful, optimistic people to create communities at work, home, and school that welcome all people. We need to reach out joyfully to each other knowing that this is the work that matters! Question for consideration:? Where have you noticed cause for hope and optimism in inter-group relations? Participant Materials 7
CONFRONTING THE MISINFORMATION WE HAVE LEARNED ABOUT PEOPLE FROM OTHER GROUPS MOVES US FORWARD TOGETHER We are all born innocent. All that we know about other groups comes either from what we were told by others, what we heard or read from the media, or impressions that we formed from the incomplete encounters with other groups. Much of the information we harbor in our hearts about other groups is in fact misinformation - an amalgam of prejudice, myth, and misconception. Just as we were taught to misjudge others, we can teach ourselves and each other to confront the inner voices of prejudice and reach for honest, mutual understanding. As we tackle the misinformation we have about each other, we hasten our arrival at the day when honest dialogue replaces recrimination and building community replaces fear and isolation. Question for consideration:? If you could throw away some of the misinformation you ve learned about other groups, what would it be? Participant Materials 8
GUILT, POLITENESS, UNEXPRESSED ANGER AND DISAPPOINTMENT KEEP PREJUDICE IN PLACE We let many things keep us from confronting racism, sexism, anti- Semitism, homophobia, and other isms in ourselves and in others. For many of us, the guilt we feel over how we, or our group, has treated another keeps us from confronting our internal struggles with prejudice, and makes it difficult for us to reach out to other groups. For others, it is anger that has gone either unexpressed or unquenched. And for some of us, it is a deep disappointment that we have not been heard or that other groups have not figured out how to reach out to us. We need to make a place for an honest dialogue with each other about where our prejudices keep us from coming together. It is only in this dialogue that relationships of truth and respect will be forged. Question for consideration: What is holding your prejudices in place? Participant Materials 9
WELCOMING AND VALUING DIVERSITY REQUIRES RISK-TAKING AND A WILLINGNESS TO MAKE MISTAKES AND CLEAN THEM UP We cannot expect to grow closer to each other and create bonds of mutual respect and understanding without making a few mistakes along the way. We can expect to mispronounce a name, forget a holiday, use an inappropriate term, or simply not have accurate information about a group, their culture, or their values. The key is how these mistakes are handled. We need to develop the capacity to ask questions for clarity or more information, listen better, and take advantage of opportunities to learn more. Question for consideration:? What gets in my way of taking risks in an effort to reach out to other groups? Participant Materials 10
GENEROSITY IS THE KEY TO ACROSS GROUP RELATIONSHIPS In the realm of community building, generosity often means being willing to forgive, withhold judgment, hear the other side, or respectfully disagree. Each time we are generous with others, we give the gifts of understanding and acceptance. And like all good gifts, this benefits the giver as well as the receiver. Question for consideration: Rate your capacity to do the following: (1 = very low capacity, 5 = great capacity) forgive withhold judgment or criticism listen to the other side in a disagreement respectfully disagree but stay connected to the other person Participant Materials 11
LISTENING TO THE STORIES OF OTHERS CHANGES HEARTS, ATTITUDES, AND BEHAVIORS When we develop the capacity to listen to the stories of others, and their experiences of struggle and triumph, we expand our understanding of each other and our commitment to work together to build a workplace of tolerance, conscience, and respect. The story telling and story listening process honors our desire to reach out to each other and claim each other as friend, co-worker, and ally. Hearing stories of pain and oppression deepens our understanding of the forces that hold us down and the strategies we need to employ to combat them. When we share a story, we share a life, and when we listen to each other s stories, we become beacons of light and understanding. Question for consideration:? What s one story of a time I have experienced pain or mistreatment that might help others better understand me and/or my group? Participant Materials 12
LISTEN TO OR LOOK FOR THE MISINFORMATION AND/OR HURT UNDERNEATH ANY OPPRESSIVE COMMENT, SLUR OR ACTION When we witness an oppressive comment or action, we are faced with several choices. Some of the time we simply ignore the offending behaviors in hopes that the offenders will either stop the behaviors altogether, or get the message that we are upset and leave us alone. At other times, we yell at them, insult them back, or lecture them about the inappropriateness of their behaviors. And at other times, we simply throw up our hands in frustration and walk away, giving up on them and the rest of humanity. None of these approaches works. They may succeed at shutting the offenders down, shaming them, or making them as upset as we are, but they never succeed at helping others recognize the feelings or misinformation underneath their behaviors and consider changing them. Listening and responding in a human way, with a focus on giving the person a hand, is the strategy that can do that! When we work with an understanding that most people desire to be respectful of each other, but can get blocked by either hurt or faulty information about others, we can develop the skills to effectively shift others back in the direction of building and maintaining the workplace community. Question for consideration:? What will you do the next time you witness an oppressive joke, remark, or slur? Participant Materials 13
EVERYONE HAS THE CAPACITY TO LEAD THE WORKPLACE IN WELCOMING AND VALUING DIVERSITY Where we work is also home in a way; and just as we take individual leadership and responsibility to create and maintain a home that is welcoming, safe, and supportive, we must also strive to do so at work. This means we should have a say in how people are treated, how they are made to feel valued and appreciated, and how they are invited to make their contribution to the workplace. We must work to encourage our differences to be seen as assets, and take on the work of resolving the conflicts and misunderstandings that sometimes occur. We must develop the understanding that if we don t lead in this effort, it may not get done! Question for consideration:? What steps will you take to lead in creating a welcoming place for diversity to flourish in your work place? Participant Materials 14
CREATING COMMUNITY IN THE WORKPLACE IS ABOUT COURAGEOUS AND PRINCIPLED LEADERSHIP What does courage and principle have to do with sustaining a workplace open to all people? It has everything to do with it! When we stand up for each other, we stand up for what is right. And though this isn t always easy, it is what is needed to create the kind of workplace where people can feel valued and wanted and encouraged to offer their best to the work! Whenever we show the courage to take the lead in building community, we are always rewarded with relationships that make our life rich! Blue Ribbon for Courage and Principled Leadership Question for consideration:? List five things you will do to take a lead in building community: Participant Materials 15
FIRST THOUGHTS? We are all born innocent, but along the way we have internalized misinformation about our group and other groups. This misinformation plays like a record in our mind.? Once we have acquired a record, it tends to stick and plays often below our conscious level of recognition.? Our records will play when we have been hurt by others.? Records lose their power when exposed and can be silenced through authentic encounters with others. What are some of the records you are aware you have about other groups? How did you acquire them? Participant Materials 16
CAUCUSES For us to move beyond our records into a more positive relationship with each other we have to replace them with useful, more accurate information about other groups. What do you want others to stop saying, thinking, or doing about or toward your group? What do you want others to know about your group that will help them understand your group better? What do you value about your group that you want others to know? Participant Materials 17
SPEAK OUTS? When we can listen to the stories of how members of groups have been mistreated and have had to face painful experiences as a result of prejudice, we develop the capacity and the determination to work as allies with them to make a change. What have you learned about the mistreatment of others today? What have you shared about either your mistreatment or that of your group(s) today? Participant Materials 18
SHIFTING ATTITUDES You can t argue with a record. Listen! Listen for the hurt underneath - it is not the same as agreeing. Be generous...don t assume you know why the comment or slur was made or the real intent of the person making it - check it out! Respond with a human, genuine tone. As you respond, figure out what will decrease defensiveness...and do it! You cannot have two ouches at the same time...if you were offended or hurt by the comment or behavior, lashing out usually only makes things worse. You have useful information to give the other person who is running a record. Remember that the more you list out the more they take in. You may have to repeat this practice several times with the same person before a shift occurs. Participant Materials 19
BUILD COMMUNITY IN THE WORKPLACE? Value the expression of diversity in the mission, organization and tasks of your organization.? Value the diversity of your customers - they are the reason for your mission.? And above all, value the diversity of the people you work with. They are your partners in success! Participant Materials 20
I LOVE MAKING MISTAKES!!! Remember, you ve got to be willing to take a few risks! Participant Materials 21
WHAT S NEXT? Now that you have completed the workshop, the only thing left is for you to get back to work. The difference will be in how you use the skills you have learned to make a difference! GOOD LUCK! Participant Materials 22
George E. Pataki, Governor Danny Donohue President Civil Service Employees Association, Inc. John V. Currier Acting Director New York State Governor's Office of Employee Relations Roger Benson President Public Employees Federation, AFL-CI
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