Advice for Parents. Helping your child succeed in school and life

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1 Advice for Parets Helpig your child succeed i school ad life Copyright 2012 What Kids Ca Do (WKCD) with support from MetLife Foudatio

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3 What Kids Ca Do What Kids Ca Do, Ic. (WKCD) is a atioal ot-for-profit orgaizatio fouded i 2001 for the purpose of makig public the voices ad views of adolescets. O its website ( WKCD documets youg people s lives, learig, ad work, ad their parterships with adults both i ad out of school. WKCD also collaborates with studets aroud the coutry o books, curricula, ad research to expad curret views of what costitutes challegig learig ad achievemet. Our books Fires i the Mid: What Kids Ca Tell Us About Motivatio ad Mastery by WKCD s seior writer Kathlee Cushma (Jossey-Bass, 2010) ad What We Ca t Tell You: Tees Talk to the Adults i Their LIves by Kathlee Cushma (Next Geeratio Press, 2005) are the source of may of the studet voices, ideas, ad exercises i this hadbook. The studet quotes that appear at the top of each sectio are from our Just Liste video series. (We have also gathered ideas ad tips from articles ad experts available through Iteret ad credit these sources where we ca.) MetLife Foudatio MetLife Foudatio is committed to buildig a secure future for idividuals ad commuities worldwide, through a focus o empowerig older adults, preparig youg people ad buildig livable commuities. I educatio, it seeks to stregthe public schools through effective teachig ad collaborative leadership, ad to prepare studets for access to ad success i higher educatio, particularly durig the crucial first year. The Foudatio s gratmakig is iformed by fidigs from the aual MetLife Survey of the America Teacher. More iformatio is available at How to use this guide This guide is best used, we believe, as part of a orgaized outreach to parets that egages them i discussio ad learig about how they ca help their childre do their best, i school ad beyod. The target audiece is parets of studets i grades 7 to 9, though we certaily ca imagie this hadbook beig used i the older high school years. By parets, we mea all adults who are deeply committed to urturig the childre uder their care.

4 A ote to parets For more tha te years, What Kids Ca Do (WKCD) has gathered the voices ad stories of middle ad high school age studets atiowide. These youth have told us about their desire to do well i school, go to college, improve their commuity. They wat to raise a lovig family, right the wrogs they see aroud them, ad much more. Whe asked what gives them hope, so may of these youth poit to a paret (ad to mothers most of all) as their rock ad ispiratio. Everybody eeds oe perso i their life who thiks they re great, o matter what, Alice, the 16, told us years ago. We have cofidece that you care deeply about your child s success, i school ad beyod. We re sure that your life is a workout, ofte exhaustig. We kow that you have little time to read a booklet like this, let aloe put the ideas ito practice. We realize that the suggestios we offer are ot simple. Still, we hope you ll give these tips a good look. We believe you ll fid it worth the ivestmet. Thak you! Barbara Cervoe, Ed.D., Presidet of What Kids Ca Do P.S. We use the word paret loosely. You could be a guardia, a gradparet, a aut or ucle we re speakig to all adults who care for childre with all they ve got.

5 Cotets Itroductio Homework Maagig stress Self-cotrol Motivatio ad challege Keepig at it Curiosity ad resourcefuless Self-cofidece

6 Itroductio Parets are a child s first teachers. The habits that we help our childre form will last a lifetime, shapig their success i school, at work, ad i the commuity. But which are the most importat of the may skills they will eed? Ad how ca families help childre practice those thigs, with everythig else they have to do? This short guide, we believe, has some fresh aswers. Moitor your child s homework typically tops the advice for parets. It souds simple, but it s ot. Gettig homework doe, we have leared, requires more tha masterig math facts or puctuatio. It requires orgaizig what has to be doe, stickig to a task, ad maagig time. It requires listeig ad askig questios whe teachers assig the work. Parets ca help their childre develop these skills, all agree. The advice cotiues: Make sure your child has eough sleep, a utritious diet, ad exercise. We try to do that, eve though it s hard as childre grow older. We care about our childre s health, i ad out of school. But good study habits ad hygiee are t eough to get ahead. The experts say youg people must develop character stregths, too. Educators ofte call this social emotioal learig : the skills that do t show up o stadardized tests. Our childre eed to lear self-cotrol ad how to maage stress. They eed to be able to lear from failure. The more curious ad resourceful our childre are, the better. They eed self-cofidece the belief that they ca succeed i spite of obstacles. The habits that start i childhood last a lifetime from academic smarts to persistece.

7 Startig poits Our potetial is ot fixed at birth Maria is a quick learer. Sea is poor at math. Aravis is well orgaized. TJ is lazy like his brother. We speak of these traits as if they were fixed at birth. But scietists who study the brai ad how we lear have reached a differet coclusio. I fact, all of us ca grow strog ad meet challeges if we work hard ad stick with it. Ibor talet ad predispositios (like laziess or shyess) are just the startig poit. Effective practice makes the differece What is the secret to developig our abilities, o matter what level we start at? Not surprisigly, the aswer lies i practice. Gettig good at a particular sport, we all kow, takes hours of practice. Ditto for playig a musical istrumet or cookig or dacig or public speakig. Developig the skills to succeed i school, work, ad life is o differet: it takes practice, oe step at a time. How we practice makes all the differece i learig to do somethig well, the scietists also say. This hadbook, we hope, shows you how to help your childre practice i ways that get results. Habits, like abilities, are also developed through practice Maagig stress. Developig self-cotrol. Keepig at it. Beig curious ad resourceful. Feelig self-cofidet. Gettig a hadle i these areas like keepig ager uder wrap challeges all of us, regardless of our age. The latest research suggests that these social ad emotioal skills are as importat as academic skills i layig the foudatio for studet success ad ca be taught ad leared. As a paret, you ca help your child develop both strog abilities ad lastig habits. Success builds o success The more your childre achieve, they more they will wat to achieve. Your are settig up a circle: whe your childre work hard ad get good results, they ll wat to work harder still. Abilities are ot fixed at birth they ca be developed through dedicatio ad hard work.

8 Homework Sometimes I slack i school. I mea, I m a teeager. That s what we do, but I try to keep my grades at a steady pace, try to pass, try to do all my work. Ad, uh, that s usually what I do. Sometimes I slack. I sleep i class sometimes. I mea, it happes, but I try ot to do it as ofte as possible. I try to stay o top of my work so I do t fall behid. - Keeth Homework ca feel like a heavy burde to kids, at the ed of a log day of effort. But doig well at school will actually brig them pleasure. Their most importat step is believig that they ca do well, with practice. They eed to hear that message from you, agai ad agai. Without this commitmet, homework is oe of the first places may kids fall behid. Too much of the homework that schools assig is busy work. Rarely is it tailored to idividual studets, providig specific practice i what each oe eeds to kow ad be able to do at that poit. Schools ca do a lot to make homework less borig ad more productive. Your challege as a paret is to help your child get the most out of homework, eve whe it s borig. You ca begi your traiig as a homework coach by quietly observig how your child completes assigmets. Notice how they are spedig their time are they gettig up ad dow, workig hard, daydreamig? You ca reward progress, eve whe it s small. Ask your child to set a weekly goal for example, turig i all that week s assigmets o time. Let the child suggest a way to celebrate success. With homework, as with most thigs, icetives work better tha puishmet. If othig you do seems to help, schedule a meetig with oe or more of your child s teachers ad see what they suggest. Your child ca do well i school ad practice helps. Homework gives kids that practice, alog with cofidece.

9 Homework tips YOUR GOAL: To help your child develop good homework habits. To get the most out of homework, kids eed practice commuicatig with their teacher. You ca help them lear to Let the teacher kow they wat to do well Ask questios if the assigmet is uclear Tell the teacher how log a homework task took Tell the teacher what was difficult about a homework task Tell the teacher whe persoal circumstaces affect homework completio Homework takes orgaizatio. You ca help your child lear to Keep a homework otebook with all assigmets ad deadlies Make a quiet space ad time for homework Gather materials eeded for the homework task Get completed homework back to school Homework also requires focus ad persistece. You ca help your child Commit to gettig the homework doe Give up distractios durig homework time Problem-solve what gets i the way Do first the homework Get up ad take a short break whe frustrated Homework demads time maagemet. You ca help your child lear to Prioritize homework tasks by importace ad deadlie Set reasoable time limits for homework Balace homework with chores, athletics, ad family commitmets NOTES TO YOURSELF: Whe kids put their mids to homework, they are also learig habits that will help them i college ad beyod.

10 Deliberate practice Ideally, homework should be what scietists call deliberate practice. It should target the idividual areas of eed ad push each studet to a ew place just withi reach. Te to twety miutes of deliberate practice, experts say, ca be worth a hour of aimless practice. But studets tell us it rarely works that way. For example: Deliberate practice always has a express purpose, but studets say they usually do t kow the poit of most homework assigmets. Deliberate practice is geared to the idividual, but typically everyoe gets the same homework tasks, o matter what they eed to work o. Deliberate practice ivolves attetio ad focus, but kids say they usually do their homework without thikig. Deliberate practice requires repetitio or rehearsal, but ofte kids say that they are repeatig somethig just to get it over with, ot to perfect ad remember it. Timig is importat i deliberate practice, yet homework ofte takes more time tha kids have for it. Fially, although deliberate practice should lead to ew skills, studets say they do t use it for aythig after it s doe. What would it take to tur homework ito the kid of practice that would help studets stregthe their skills ad kowledge i academic subjects? Perhaps the most powerful steps i that directio would occur whe teachers, parets, ad studets thik of homework as gettig good at somethig much like practice i athletics or the arts. NOTES TO YOURSELF: Effective practice focuses o what the child eeds most.

11 Maagig stress Through writig I leared a lot about myself... it s a really good copig skill to let go of stress. Dealig with stress with my mom ad my brother... I just really opeed up ad thought, Wow. I was wrog o this aspect, ad this is why my mother made this decisio. Or, This is why my brother got i a argumet with me. I opeed up so much more. Like I do t kow how to explai it. It s crazy... how closed-mided I was at a certai amout of time. Ad I just thought, Oh, I m always goa thik this way. This is just how it is. But it s ot always that way, because there s so much more tha just your perceptio of thigs. Elijah It may seem strage to fid maagig stress high o our list for how parets ca help childre do their best. But accordig to a recet survey, 43 percet of 13- to 14-year-olds say they feel stressed every sigle day. By ages 15 to 17, the umber rises to 59 percet (America Psychological Associatio, Stress i America Fidigs, 2010). I today s world, oe of us ca escape stress, whether we are adults or childre. The challege is to maage it. We experiece stress whe we perceive a situatio as dagerous, difficult, or paiful ad we do ot have the resources to cope. Our mids ad bodies gear up to fight or flee : our heart ad breathig speed up, more blood flows to the muscles i our arms ad legs. I short bursts, this chemical reactio ca be helpful, eve save our lives. Yet over time, it drais the body ad ca leave us o edge, tired, agry, or depressed. New research shows a direct lik betwee studet stress (measured by chemical levels i the body) ad school performace. Chroic stress harms studets ability to thik clearly ad cotrol their emotios. Whe stress closes us dow, we lose our ability to thik straight. Whe the stress lifts, it feels like our mids ope up. Chroic stress harms our ability to reaso clearly ad maage our emotios. It sets kids up for failure.

12 Tips for maagig stress Stress may be causig a serious problem if a youg perso... Has lost iterest i thigs he or she oce ejoyed Does t sleep or eat well Wats to be aloe ad avoids frieds ad family Daydreams ad does t wat to do thigs Experieces a sudde drop off i their grades Grieves for a abormally log time after a death Feels guilty or ot worth aythig Shows extreme ager ad/or sadess ad overreacts to may thigs Worries costatly about appearace ad/or physical problems Gets frequet headaches ad stomachaches Caot make decisios or cocetrate well Turs to drugs or alcohol Eats (or diets) way too much Exercises obsessively Takes extreme risks YOUR GOALS: To recogize whe ad why childre feel stress ad to help your child lear how to maage it. What raises stress i kids? School demads ad frustratios Negative feeligs ad thoughts about themselves Chages i their bodies Problems with frieds or peers at school Problems i the family or chroic illess Fiacial strais Usafe livig eviromet or eighborhood Death of a family member, relative, or close fried Movig or chagig schools Takig o too much or havig too high expectatios The same switch that turs o the stress respose ca also tur it off. As soo as we decide that a situatio is o loger threateig, chages occur i our mids ad bodies to help us calm dow. We ca t elimiate stress, ad a little of it ca eve be good. But we eed to kow whe it becomes too much.

13 You ca help your childre i these ways 3 Moitor, as best you ca, their health, behavior, thoughts, or feeligs. 3 Watch for overloadig. Ask how they re doig (do t lecture) ad liste hard to what they say. 3 Lear ad model stress maagemet skills yourself. 3 Poit your child i reasoable amouts to mood-boostig activities like sports, music ad art, voluteer opportuities. These strategies help kids reduce their stress 3 Exercise ad eat regularly. 3 Avoid excess caffeie (ad soda with caffeie), illegal drugs, alcohol, tobacco. 3 Lear relaxatio exercises (such as abdomial breathig). 3 Build a circle of frieds who ca provide positive support. 3 Rehearse situatios that cause stress ad practice positive resposes. 3 Break a large task ito smaller, more attaiable tasks. 3 Tur egative self-talk ito positive. Negative: I ca t do this. Positive: I ll do the best I ca. 3 Lear to feel okay about doig a good eough job do t isist o perfectio, from yourself or others. 3 Take a stress break! Liste to music, talk to a fried, read, stretch. Source: America Academy of Child ad Adolescet Psychiatry ABDOMINAL BREATHING Step 1: Straighte the frot of the body. You may sit up, or lie dow facig up. Relax ay tesio that you may feel at the momet: belly, shoulders, jaw, ad face. Step 2: Brig the awareess to your breath ad otice if you are aturally breathig ito your belly, or your chest, or both. Do't cotrol it. Just observe. Step 3: Deliberately draw the air ito the bottom of your lugs o the ihale. Let the abdome expad ad exted out. The, o the exhale, let the abdomial pressure release ad, with miimal effort, slowly pull the belly i. The chest remais still the whole time. You may place your had o the belly to feel the rhythmic movemet of the abdome. Practice the abdomial breath as ofte as you like, wheever ad wherever you like. Try it i a stressful situatio. I just a few abdomial breaths, you ll feel a sigificat differece. Source: The key to stress reductio is idetifyig strategies that work for you.

14 Self-cotrol I started becomig a upright citize whe I reached high school. That s whe I started gettig the most I would t say praise, but that s whe I started gettig the most cofidece. Like, Michecarly, oh my God you ve chaged. Oh my God you re so behaved. Like, the whole high school year, I ve ever bee to the pricipal s office uless I m visitig the pricipal, tellig my pricipal What s up? How s your so? I do t kow how to phrase it. It s somethig withi myself. I was just, like, I have to chage because this is goa be for myself. I just wat my kids to be like, Yo, my dad is the best. Michecarly Maagig ager is a importat part of self-cotrol. Agry kids eed to lear to stop themselves before they harm themselves or others. Just as importat is beig able to put off a immediate reward i order to gai a better reward later. Experts call this delayed gratificatio. Have you ever heard of the marshmallow test? Here s how it works: Tell kids they ca either have oe marshmallow ow or they ca wait ad have two i 15 miutes. Accordig to a famous study, youg childre s ability to wait (or ot) says a lot about how well they ll do i school, with frieds, ad with family. Waitig for that extra marshmallow ca eve predict their success as adults i work ad relatioships. Is your child the I wat the marshmallow ow! type? You ca help. All childre ca lear ways to improve their selfdisciplie skills. But remember: the part of the brai that cotrols everythig from reasoig to emotios takes a log time to develop. You ll start seeig positive chages i adolescece, but those skills do t fully develop util your childre reach their early 20s. Self-cotrol also ivolves self-awareess: the ability to otice what you're feelig ad thikig, ad why. Learig self-cotrol ofte grows out of coflict. The ext time you fid yourself i a argumet with your child, remember that it s a perfect teachig momet. All childre ca lear ways to regulate their ow behavior.

15 Tips for developig self-cotrol YOUR GOAL: To help your child lear to thik log-term, cotrol ager, ad become more self-aware. Help your child thik log-term The experts call this delayed gratificatio : the ability to put off a immediate reward i order to gai a better reward later. Help your child see what s gaied by waitig or workig hard for the better reward. Lay out expectatios Some kids react poorly whe they do t kow what to expect i a situatio or what will be expected of them. Fill them i ahead of time: This Suday I eed you to watch your sister util oe o clock. After that, you re free. The 4 WHATS Whe somethig goes wrog ad egative emotios fill your child, try this exercise. Ask: What did you do? What happeed whe you did that? What could you have doe istead? What would have happeed if you had doe that? Liste closely, show you uderstad, ad hold back judgmet. Model self-cotrol This demads real commitmet from a paret, but it s worth it. If your childre see you exercisig self-cotrol, they are more likely to do it themselves. Ca t fid your wallet ad ow you re late? Take a breath ad ask out loud where you left it last. Take a break Whe childre seem out of cotrol, ecourage them to take a break. A sack, a walk aroud the block, shootig hoops, closig oe s eyes ad breathig deeply chagig the scee like this ca work woders. Sometimes all it takes is a brief distractio. Reiforce the positive Let your childre kow whe you see them demostrate self-cotrol (for example, turig dow loud music whe you ask). Help them thik of themselves as people who ca successfully cotrol their behavior. You might say: I kow you wated to go out. But look, you fiished practicig ad foud a way to see your frieds tomorrow. NOTES TO YOURSELF Oe of the best ways to teach your child self-cotrol is to model it yourself.

16 Motivatio ad challege Right ow it s fourth quarter ad we have a class to help us come up with a proposal for our seior project. I oe hour I figured out what I wated to do, what I wated it be about, how I m goa do it, what form it s goa be i ad it s ot just goa be a paper! It s goa be like a 3D pop-up book ad it s goa be about art ad architecture ad all the places I ve lived i. Ad like I was just goig o. I was writig dow all my ideas. I was talkig about it. Ad the I was late to my ext class. I was like, Um... the hour did t... it s ot up yet! Arielle I WKCD s research called the Practice Project, we ivited studets to look ito what motivates them. How do they pick a skill or activity they wat to master? What makes them keep workig at it, eve whe it s hard? Few studets said they had started their chose activity because they had atural talet. Istead, they picked up somethig because they valued it somehow. Maybe it looked like fu or they wated to be with others who were doig it. Maybe someoe gave them a chace or ecouraged them to try it. All those reasos ca give kids a reaso to care. Studets also said that the activity eeded to be withi their grasp the right amout of challege. If it was too easy, it got borig. If it was too hard, it got discouragig. Our studet researchers leared that motivatio comes from those two coditios: Whe people value what they re tryig to master ad Whe they believe there s a reasoable chace they will succeed. That combiatio is what makes all of us wat to start somethig ad wat to keep at it whe it gets hard. Scietists who study learig have reached the same coclusio. We feel motivated whe we value what we re tryig to lear... ad whe we believe we ca succeed if we try.

17 Tips for motivatio ad challege A Exercise Ask your child to pick somethig he or she ejoys doig ad wats to get better at. What got them iterested? Talk together about the aswers. It looked like fu It seemed like somethig you could probably do It ivolved people you wated to be with Success did t all deped o you No oe would be judgig you, so the stakes were low You wated to do somethig you d ever doe before. Someoe supported ad ecouraged you from the start They broke it dow ito steps They did it with you They praised your small successes They showed you how to do better The activity had a audiece that mattered to you At work or school Amog frieds or family I a public place You had a persoal iterest i gettig good at it To express yourself To grow ito who you wat to be To feel the pleasure of masterig ew challeges How would you rate your cofidece that if you practice hard, you ll succeed at the activity you amed? Pick a umber from 1 to 5, with 1 ot at all cofidet ad 5 fully cofidet. You ca t make your childre motivated. But you ca help them to fid iterests ad take o ew challeges.

18 Keepig at it Last year, I had a lot of challeges comig, sice I came halfway through the first quarter. I really did t care.... I fell ito the hole, my life hole, ad I really could t get out of it. Ad the towards the ed of the year whe I was failig all my classes they had this program, I thik it was called Club 10 every day after school util 5 o clock you have to stay after ad work. Ad it was like this big challege for me because it was t just oe class, it was most of my classes, so havig to do all that work every day ad havig to stay after with teachers ad redo essays ad tryig to get myself out of stayig back ad tryig to get out of summer school.... I felt like I gave it my all, ad passig most of my classes ad flukig just oe is the biggest challege I overcame. Carla Persistece meas that you keep goig, eve whe it s hard ad you feel like quittig. Completig a log ad tough project for school. Becomig better at a favorite sport or musical istrumet. Learig how to cool dow whe you feel like explodig. Stickig with a challege whe it s a stretch to meet it. Progress i these areas ofte meas a half step backward for every step forward. It takes persistece. Practice is part of persistece. No oe likes doig the same thig over ad over agai util you get it right. But if you practice with a clear goal, with focus, ad with ecouragig feedback, you ll see results. Ad whe you see results, you ll probably keep at it! Makig mistakes failig is a importat part of learig. Of course, that does t make failig ay easier. Our childre are growig up i a society that pressures them to be perfect, ad we may reiforce this expectatio at home. The opposite is true, too: our society writes off too may kids as failures without ever givig them the opportuity to develop their abilities. We call that the opportuity gap. Despite the opportuity gap, defeat is ofte oly a temporary coditio. Givig up is what makes it permaet. Help your child practice with purpose. Shorter periods of focused practice help more tha loger practice without focus.

19 Tips for keepig at it Praise more, correct less Praise your childre whe they tackle somethig difficult! But remember to praise their effort, ot their talet. Focusig o talet actually makes kids less likely to persist whe challeged. But praisig childre for effort makes them wat to work harder. Poit out that it s worth the trouble Help your childre otice the positives that are comig from their learig. Whe they accomplish a ext step, ask them how it makes them feel. Imagie, together, what it would be like if they did t persist, if they gave up. Lay dow the law, selectively I like whe my mother gets i my busiess whe it comes to college, because I m a slacker, Carme told us. There s certai deadlies that eed to be met, ad so she stays o top of that. The other stuff, it s my busiess, but the college stuff, she s good. FORMING THE PERSISTENCE HABIT Measure yourself. Figure out how log you ca work effectively. Measure how log it takes before you slow dow or give up. Do a extra 20 percet. Whe you feel like quittig, go a extra 20 percet. If you ve bee workig hard for a hour ad a half ad wat to stop, try aother 30 miutes before takig a break. Ru a burout day. Try workig loger for oe day, followig it with a shorter day. By stretchig your focus for loger periods oce i a while, you ca boost your persistece for ormal days. FORMING THE FOCUS HABIT Timebox. Give yourself 60 miutes to work o a particular task, without restig or egagig i ay distractios. Accelerate. It ca take aywhere from 10 to 30 miutes to build up a cocetrated focus. Give yourself time to accelerate ito a focused state. Cut distractios. Practice the habit of turig off all outside oise: phoes, televisio, chattig with family or frieds. FORMING THE DO IT NOW HABIT Do it ow for 30 days. For the ext 30 days, defie periods of your day you wat to devote to work or persoal projects. Durig those times, remid yourself to do it ow wheever you feel the urge to procrastiate. Source: Part of keepig at it is learig from mistakes figurig out what you ll do differetly ext time.

20 Curiosity ad resourcefuless Last quarter I took a module class about fuelig the car of tomorrow. It s basically cause New York taxis waa go gree cause we re ruig out of oil. It really did t iterest me at the begiig cause I did t care about cars. But oce we started to lear that mostly everythig we use uses oil ad we re at some time goa ru out, I got iterested. What fuel was better ad what fuel s goa work ad how s the ecoomy goa be affected ad how s everybody else goa be affected? Whe I first etered, I just saw it is as, Oh. I m learig about cars. But it was a really good course ad I ejoyed it. I ve talked about it with my father because he s ito cars, ad he was kid of i shock that I kew what I was talkig about, cause he ever saw me as a car type of perso. But ow he sees ad he s like, Okay. You outsmarted me, but okay. Amada We are bor curious ad we are meat to stay that way. Some experts say that curiosity is eve more importat tha itelligece, whe it is combied with motivatio to lear. Why is curiosity so importat to your childre s developmet? It makes the mid active istead of passive. Curious people ask questios ad seek aswers. Like a muscle, the mid becomes stroger with use so metal exercise builds brai power. It prepares the mid for ew ideas. Whe you are curious about somethig, your mid expects ad aticipates ew ideas related to it. Without curiosity, how may great ideas might pass uoticed? It opes up ew worlds. Curiosity helps you see possibilities that ofte hide below the surface. The lives of curious people are rarely borig ew thigs are always drawig their attetio. Resourcefuless goes had i had with curiosity. Resourceful people deal well with ew or difficult situatios. They ca fid iformatio o their ow ad make do with what they have. As a paret, you ecourage resourcefuless whe you avoid the istict to rescue your child, to do for them or secod-guess their efforts. Ecourage your child to explore the world, ask questios, ad thik, What if...?

21 Tips for developig curiosity i yourself ad your child Keep a ope mid Be ope to learig, ulearig, ad relearig. Do t take thigs for grated. YOUR GOAL: To help your child develop a ope mid ad become more self-reliat. Ask lots of questios What, why, whe, who, where, ad how? Curious people use these words all the time. Forget borig Whe you label somethig borig, you close the door o learig more about it. See learig as fu If you thik of learig as somethig fu, you will aturally wat to dig deeper. Dip your toe i other worlds Head to a eighborhood where the people, food, ad street life are differet. Read a book about growig up i aother coutry. Watch televisio programs like Natioal Geographic. Source: Tips for developig resourcefuless Teach everyday skills For kids who ofte take a paret s place, kowig everyday skills comes with the territory. But for families that do t cout so much o their childre s cotributios, household tasks (like doig laudry or grocery shoppig) make ideal ways to teach how to be self-reliat ad resourceful. Help your child practice gatherig iformatio May childre are experts i Facebook ad YouTube, but far fewer kow how to search the Iteret effectively or which sources to trust for reliable iformatio. If your child s school has t taught these skills, make it your assigmet. Begi by goig olie ad eterig, best Iteret search tips. Ecourage problem-solvig 3 Is there aother way to get what I wat? 3 Is the desired result really the best result? 3 Who has iformatio that might help me? 3 What is oe more thig I ca try? Ecourage your child to be self-reliat ad resourceful to seek out iformatio, to problem-solve.

22 Self-cofidece I thik parets are like your umber oe go-to perso. I feel like my mom or my stepdad are like the people that I trust more tha aythig. I feel like I have that role where they re there for you always. They help you get through life ad teach you util you go off o your ow. They play everythig a teacher, a paret, a fried. - Carla We all wat our childre to have selfcofidece the belief that they have what it takes to succeed, to deal with ad overcome what holds them back. Some childre seem bor more cofidet tha others. I ever give much thought to whether I ll make it, fourtee-year-old Luke says. I just always assume I will. Erest, o the other had, says he usually expects to fail. They tell me I eed more cofidece. How do you build your childre s cofidece whe they eed more? If you ve read through this hadbook ad tried out some of the suggestios, you re already o the way. You ve begu to help your childre gai the cofidece to try ew thigs, tolerate failure, keep at it, get results, ad feel satisfied. We ll just add oe more thig to our advice. Be the biggest ad steadiest fa of your child s efforts. I admire my mom the most, says Amadeo, because eve though she did t go that far i school, she always has my back. She always ecourages me. Whe I do t feel like I wat to do my work or I do t kow why I m i school, she s always there to support me ad tell me to do better tha what she did because she was t able to get the educatio that I m able to get right ow. Be the biggest ad steadiest fa of your child s efforts.

23 Tips for buildig self-cofidece YOUR GOAL: To show that you believe i your child by praisig effort, every time. Atted your child s evets I ca hear my mama o matter what race I m doig if it s a 400 or a 800 [meter], she yells the whole time. Ad I ca hear her, ad oly her, the whole time she s literally the loudest perso i the whole place. It really helps out. Carmela Sped time with your child For every birthday or special occasio that came up, my mom would take me to a play. Like we saw Phatom of the Opera, Ret, Beauty ad the Beast, ad a whole buch of stuff like that. Ad that s just our time that we sped with each other. Whe she s away from my father ad my brother, she s like a whole differet perso, so it s easier to get alog with her. Patricia Make small gestures that show you care I like it whe they cook a full meal after a log day at school. See, I like to eat, I m a growig girl! Adrea It s ot always the material thigs that teeagers wat, it s the affectio. Shao Be geerous with your praise I miss that praise I used to get: Oh my gosh, you ca tie your shoe! Liliaa Parets ca t keep us from makig mistakes. But whe we do t make a mistake or we do somethig well, give us a little pat o the back. Justie Let kids kow you re a permaet part of their lives I kow if I was ever i trouble they would always be there for me. I kow they will evetually forgive me. They ca t hate me for the rest of my life! Shao My mom always says, I m goig to be your paret forever. You re stuck with me. Justie Whe they tell me that they love me whe they actually tell me that, you kow it s so reassurig to me. Whe they defed me ad are willig to literally give their life for me. If someoe were goig to shoot me, my dad is willig to get i frot of them. He told me that oce, ad it made me glad. Moses Source: What We Ca t Tell You: Teeagers Talk to the Adults i Their Lives, by Kathlee Cushma (Next Geeratio Press, 2005) We all wat our childre to have self-cofidece the belief that they have what it takes to succeed.

24 Am I the best i the world? No. The questio is: Am I the best I ca be? Edward James Olmos, actor Copyright 2012 What Kids Ca Do (WKCD) with support from MetLife Foudatio

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