Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP. 3. Behavioural Flexibility. Why increase your Behavioural Flexibility?

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1 Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP 3. Behavioural Flexibility If there is any one secret of success it lies in the ability to get the other person s point of view and see things from that person s angle as well as from your own. Henry Ford Excellence requires flexibility, and an ability to adjust our familiar ways of thinking and doing so that we can respond appropriately to changing circumstances. Why increase your Behavioural Flexibility? When we are stuck we often feel bad and can t see a way out or how to generate alternatives. When we re just chugging along we continue with our familiar habits unquestioningly. And, as circumstances will constantly change, if we are unable to respond flexibly, our freedom and happiness will be severely limited. Increasing our flexibility means that we have more choice, more creativity, more job satisfaction, more wellbeing, and more happiness. Remember that you always have a choice of action. You may find it useful to examine the world from a number of different points of view. The more flexible you are at examining your situation the more information you will be able to gather, and the more options you will have. It is useful to give yourself at least three options.

2 How to increase your Behavioural Flexibility Points of View In 2005 HSBC embraced this principle when they launched their highly acclaimed Points of View marketing campaign.

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4 Additional Phrases: Who knows what you ll see when you look from someone else s point of view. Everyone looks at the world from a different point of view. Different points of view make the world go round. Isn t it better to be open to other people s points of view? We see no problem with different points of view. Only potential.

5 NLP Perceptual Positions To assist us further in this quest, of truly being able to see things from another person s point of view, NLP describes three positions, often referred to as Perceptual Positions. Do not judge your neighbour until you have walked a mile in his moccasins Turtles All The Way Down, page 200. How to see things from your colleagues point of view, be on the same wavelength and step into their shoes 1st Position: Looking at the world from your own point of view, through your own eyes. You are totally associated and not taking account of anyone else s point of view. Ask the question: How does this affect me? 2nd Position: Considering how things would look, sound, and feel for example for a colleague. Looking through your colleague s eyes; appreciating the other point of view. Ask the question (s): How would this appear to them? How would it sound to them? How would they feel? The stronger rapport you have with another person, the easier it will be for you to appreciate their reality and achieve second position.

6 3rd Position: This is a neutral position from which you can observe the interaction between 1st and 2nd positions. From 3 rd Position you see the world from an outside point of view, as an independent observer, as someone who has no personal involvement in the situation. How would this look to someone who is not involved? This creates an objective viewpoint from which you can generate and evaluate some useful choices in a difficult situation. All three positions are equally important; ideally we move between them freely, taking the information gained from each. This allows us to have a multiple perspective in a situation so that we can be even more flexible and have greater influence. Finally, a different point of view: Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you re a mile away and you have their shoes! Unknown Other ways to increase your Behavioural Flexibility Here are some suggestions of ways in which you can increase your flexibility. There are more. Adopt different perspectives See things from different perspectives. Physically move to change your view step back to get a bigger picture, or raise yourself up so that you can look down on the situation. Be a fly on the wall.

7 Find new ways to achieve your outcomes Use your timeline to go forward to the time when you have achieved your outcome, and then notice how you got there. Consider how else you could have got there? Set yourself a challenge of finding several other ways to achieve your goals Extend your range of choices What is your decision making strategy? Does it run for all decisions or is it context dependent? When is it easy to make choices? What do you do then? Allow yourself to use chance processes for making decisions. Choose to go with the result when you toss a coin, roll dice, or consult your crystal ball. Use Logical Levels Change the present environment the layout, sequence or arrangement of the various constituents. Rearrange the furniture, or schedule meetings at different times, and notice what changes as a result. Change your behaviour. Run the New Behaviour Generator. Check out your strategies, and adapt or streamline them. Change your level of capability. Notice how you are moving up the steps to competence, how you are generalising your skills, and developing rules. Identify your limiting beliefs and acknowledge your life enhancing ones. Do you believe that you can change your beliefs? Notice how your sense of identity changes over time. Who is running this behaviour or this part of your life? Know that you can be far more flexible. You are more than you think you are. Build rapport with a wider range of people Your flexibility is most likely to be tested as you increasingly meet other people in their models of the world. Pace yourself doing this, but allow yourself a stretch. Notice your habits Notice your habits and choose to do things in a different way or a different order Are your habits out of your conscious awareness? Maybe other people will be willing to tell you what you have noticed about what you do and it may not just be irritating habits but nice ones too

8 Session 18: The Four Pillars of NLP 3. Behavioural Flexibility / Assignment Please ensure that you have read Pages and have listened to the MP3 recording before completing the following exercises. Exercise 1 The purpose of this exercise is to gain a greater understanding of a challenging colleague who you have worked with by stepping into their shoes and seeing things from their point of view. Imagine that this challenging colleague is standing in front of you. Think about how this challenging colleague looks, focus on their appearance. Think about what this person has to say and how they sound. Imagine how this person might feel, knowing what you do about them, and then finally physically move and step into their shoes, into 2 nd Position, be the challenging colleague, looking out through their eyes, looking back at you, hearing you speak, and feeling about you? After approximately three minutes step back into 1 st Position and shake off the challenging colleague. Once back in 1 st Position, reflect on your experience. What did you learn about how this person feels, and about how they feel about you? Please write about your experience (250 words). Exercise 2 Now repeat the previous exercise. On this occasion, after stepping back into 1 st Position (as above) step into a neutral 3 rd Position and observe the interaction between yourself (1 st Position) and the challenging colleague (2 nd Position), literally from a distance. This will allow you to be objective. Finally step back into 1 st Position and assimilate the information you have gathered from all three positions. Again, reflect on your experience. What did you observe from 3rd position? Did you find you were able to be objective? Please write about your experience (250 words). Please note: The word counts are intended as a guideline to give you an indication of how much to write. Where you have relied on any additional references please list these at the end of your work. For example: The NLP Workbook, Joseph O Connor, (2001), Chapter 1: What is NLP? Pages 1-3

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