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2 CURRICULUM FRAMEWORK HEALING LODGE STAFF TRAINING by SHARON D. MCIVOR FOR CORRECTIONS SERVICES CANADA March 29, I 99354

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4 TABLE OF CONTENTS A. WELLNESS - MIND/BODY/SPIRIT/EMOTIONAL (STRESS MANAGEMENT) 1 1. Introduction 1 2. Module Objectives 1 3. Key Points 2 4. Key Questions 3 5. Discussion, Activities & Assignments 3 6. Readings 4 B. WHOLISTIC SELF ASSESSMENT/ROLES WE PLAY 5 1. Introduction 5 2. Module Objectives 5 3. Key Points 5 4. Key Questions 6 5. Discussion, Activities & Assignments 7 6. Readings 7 C. PERSONAL GROWTH AND AWARENESS 9 1. Introduction 9 2. Module Objectives 9 3. Key Points 9 4. Key Questions Discussions, Activities & Assignments Readings 13

5 D. SELF AWARENESS Introduction Module Objectives Key Points Key Questions Discussion, Activities & Assignments Readings 18 E. WELLNESS AND RECOVERY Introduction Module Objectives Key Points Key Questions Discussions, Activities & Assignments Readings. 26 F. GRIEVING AND COPING/SUPPORT STRATEGIES Introduction Module Objectives Key Points Key Questions Discussion, Activities & Assignments Readings 31

6 1 PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT A. WELLNESS - MIND/BODY/SPIRIT/EMOTIONAL(Stress Management) Time: 10 days 1. Introduction The wellness element is intrinsic and critical to the success of this component. It is important for participants to gain knowledge necessary to maintain their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health in a particularly stressful work environment. Self knowledge and learning together can create a lasting bond among the participants which will serve them well in the course of their work and careers at the Healing Lodge facility. 2. Module Oblectives By the end of this module the participant will: a. Using the medicine wheel or similar ideology understand the concept of balance as it relates to the mental, physicial, emotional and spiritual of self. b. Understand the concepts of the self cleansing ceremonies, e.g. smudging,fasting etc. c. Understand the necessity for balance to maintain health. d. Understand the concept of health.

7 2 e. Understand male and female, the gifts and responsibilities of each. f. Understand how one's cultural heritage impacts on self esteem. 3. Key Points a. Aboriginal cultures view the development of humans as wholistic taking into account their relationship to their family, community, self and the world. b. The Elders teach that in order to maintain a harmonious and balanced life, a human being needs to be aware of his or her mental, emotional, physical and spiritual capacitiès. Each of the parts need to be equally cared for. c. Self-awareness and the awareness of your cultural heritage are integral parts to developing your selfworth and self-esteem. d. Each motion/action has an impact on others. e. Spiritual and physical cleansing is an intricate part of health. f. Abuses (drug, alcohol, physical, sexual) are a symptom of imbalance in one or more of the four components of self.

8 3 4. Key Questions a. What is the medicine wheel and how does it work? Or, if using another, similar ideology, how does it work? b. What values of our ancestors can help us to achieve vision and direction in life? c. What is the contemporary role of stories and legends in providing life's direction? d, How do value systems shape our lives? Provide examples. e. What is a human's relationship with the rest of the universe? f. What is the ideology behind the cleansing ceremonies? 5. Discussion, Activities & Assignments a. Relate stories which have a teaching objective. Discuss the role of stories and legends. b. Create art that reflects traditions: discuss the role of art. c. Involve Elders in the discussions; feel free to question them. There are no silly questions. d. Learn the ceremonies. Attend ceremonies as an observer. Discuss the ceremonies to understand them. e. Attending traditional dances, learn songs. Discuss the role of dances and songs. f. Have as guests people who practice the traditions.

9 4 6. Readings Ahenakew, Freda & Wolfart, H.C., KOHOMINAWAK OTACIMOWIN-AWA: Our Grandmothers' Lives As Told in Their Own Words (Saskatoon: Fifth House Publishers, 1991). Carkhuff, R., The Art of Helping VI (Amherst, Massachusetts: Human Resource Development Press, Inc., 1987). Cruikshank, J., Lived Like a Story (Vancouver, B.C.: University of British Columbia Press, 1992). Egan, G., The Skilled Helper (Pacific Grove, Calif.: Brooks/Cole Publishing Co., 1990). Etienne, Mona, E. Leacock, Women and Colonization: -Anthropological Perspectives (New York, N.Y.: Praeger Publishers, 1980). Gunn-Allen, Paula, Spider Women's Granddaughters (New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1989). Hungry-Wolf, Beverly, The Ways of My Grandmothers (New York: Quill, 1982). Hutchens, A.R., A Handbook of Native American Herbs (Boston: Shambhala, 1992). McKague, Osmond, Racism in Canada (Saskatoon: Fifth House Publishers, 1991). Perreault, J., S. Vance, Writing the Circle: Native Women of Western Canada (Edmonton: Newest Publishers Ltd., 1990). Sains, Jamie, The 13 Original Clan Mothers (New York, Harper Collins Publishers, 1993).

10 5 B. WHOLISTIC SELF ASSESSMENT/ROLES WE PLAY Time: 5 days 1. Introduction 1 Control and power over one's self is essential for completeness. The Elder's say that when the control comes from within as opposed to from without one has the major element for completeness and happiness. They also say that since the white man has come our people believe that control is no longer theirs. It is a matter of learning to retake that control. 2. Module Ob -jectives By the end of this module a participant will: a. Understand the concepts of power and control. b. Understand how power and control are used by self and others to achieve goals. c. Understand how power and control are used in a negative and a positive way. d. Learn techniques and exercises to regain personal control. 3. Key Points a. Increaseing one's awareness of the real power will help to direct one's life and make one's own choices. b. Developing a value system will enhance one's life and

11 6 expand capacity for self-awareness, intimacy and spontaneity. c. Recognizing roles, rituals and games that people play will aid in one's own participation. d. Learning to recognize the "rational adult", "emotional child" and "critical parent" roles in our lives will show how we can change our behaviours using these models. e. One can take lessons on self-awareness as a road to a happier, more content lifestyle. 4. Key Questions a. What is transactional analysis and how does it apply to your life? If using another model, how does it apply to your life? b. What games do we see played out in everyday life? How do these games affect us? c. How can you change your life script to increase your self-esteem? d. How can you gain autonomy and self-confidence? e. What do we mean by control from within? How can this be acheived? f. How do the ceremonies, such as fasting, enhance the internal control?

12 7 5. Discussion, Activities & Assignments a. Reviewing case studies of transactional analysis (Reference: Born to Win by James Muriel). b. Start a group that discusses games and roles people play; do it as an acted out group exercise. c. Have the group participants keep a journal as a tool for reflection and insight. d. Using the book, Trusting Ourselves: The Sourcebook of Psychology for Women, assign chapters to be read and have members of the group do presentations to the rest of the group. (This book has a lot of great exercises.) e. Encourage the participants to set achievable, realistic goals with a time limit. Monitor the progress of the participants. f. Celebrate the wealth of knowledge and contributions each participant has within them. Celebrate life. g. Make a list of things the participants can do to meet their lives better. 6. Readings Berne, Eric, Games People Play (New York: Grove Press Inc., 1966). Harris, A. Thomas, I'm OK, You're OK (New York: Avon Publishers, 1973). James, Muriel, D. Jongward, Born to Win: Transactional Analysis with Gestalt Experiments (New York: Penguin Books,

13 8 1978). Johnson, K., T. Ferguson, Trusting Ourselves: The Sourcebook on Psychology for Women (New York: The Atlantic Monthly Press, 1990). Steinem, G., Revolution Within: A Book of Self-Esteem (Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1993). Steiner, Claude, Games Alcoholics Play (New York: Ballantine Books, 1990). Stewart, Ian, T.A. Joines, Today: A New Introduction to Transactional Analysis (Chapel Hill, U.S.A.: Lifespace Publishing, 1987). Stewart, Ian, Transactional Analysis Counselling in Action (London: Sage Publications, 1989). Weinhold, B.K., Breaking Free of Addictive Family Relationships: Healing Your Inner Child (Walpole, N.H.: Stillpoint Publishing, 1991). 1

14 9 C. PERSONAL GROWTH AND AWARENESS Time: 5 days 1. Introduction Incomplete developement has a profound effect on one's ability to cope. Trauma suffered during early development may manifest itself in self injury or suicide. 2. Module Objectives At the end of this module participants will: a. Recognize some signs of potential suicide. b. Understand the profile of someone who is self-injurious or suicidal. c. Learn some basic steps in helping a suicidal or selfinjurious person get to therapy. 3. Key Points a. Childhood trauma can have a profound effect on children and its effects if untreated can reverberate throughout their lives. b. To move forward we need to face our past ghosts, grieve them and free ourselves of any shame we may be carrying. c. Despite hardships and crisis, women have triumphed and lived lives that inspire otheré.

15 10 d. Spirituality has given many women inner power to create and re-define their future. e. Morality is both a personal and communal affair and when it reaches the public, it is called politics. Women's and men's political views often differ. f. Individual experiences can have a fundamental impact on the healing process. 4. Key Questions a. What steps can be taken to help people heal from post traumas? b. How do you recognize if individuals have more than one issue to work through? c. What are examples of multiple trauma-producing traumas? i.e. adult child of alcoholics, eating disorder, physically abused, sexually abused. (Reference: Double Duty by Claudia Black) d. How can a belief in the Great Spirit or a higher power affect our lives? e. How can we adapt spirituality, exercise, nutrition and therapy to balance our lives? f. If we change the way we think, can it change our beliefs and actions?.g. How can we transform frustration and helplessness into empowerment and self-fulfilment?

16 11 5. Discussion, Activities & Assignments a. Have a woman elder(s) come and speak about the woman's place in life and the meaning of love, self-respect, caring, and compassion. b. Using the book, Feel the Fear and Do It Anywavs by Susan Jeffers, have the group participants read Chapters 1-3 inclusive. Then have them do the following exercise from this book. "Each night before you go to I. bed, plan the risk you are going to take the following day. Close your eyes and in your mind's eye, practice doing it. Make your visualization as clear as you possibly can. (Note: these acts do not include dangerous or harmful acts but acts that are positive and empowering. Have the group monitor and discuss how they feel before and after having taken these risks. c. Using the books by Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life and Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook, discuss the power of positive thinking and positive affirmations. Then choose some exercises and complete them with the group or have the participants work on these exercises alone. d. Allies in Healing by Laura Davis used along with the workbook, The Courage To Heal Workbook, are insightful resources that provide victims of abuse, their families and therapists with practical exercises and

17 12 essential resource information for recovering from trauma. Allies in Healing provides stories by partners and victims as a took for learning about realistic expectations and building communications. Ask a member of the group to describe a traumatic situation. Using this situation, have the group expand the story transforming the situation from one of helplessness to one of empowerment. It is important that all participants show respect and do not judge the person sharing the experience. Exploring options helps us to see how we can change our reactions and broaden our options now that we are older. We do not have to be victims over and over again. e. Have the participants in their own words describe themselves and their childhood, provided thee is an Elder present and the group agrees to the exercise. Then ask them to begin four sentences with "I should...". Now ask them to describe their hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Ask each of the participants to describe what they could do to reach their dreams. Ask them what they could drop from their "should list" that is hindering their ability to reach their dreams/goals. f. Ask the group to make a list of what the meaning of

18 13 self-love is. Then ask the group to think of things g. they can do to love and take care of themselves more. Explain the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, as taught by Stephan R. Covey. Using Appendix A of this book, describe the various perceptions we may tend to perceive in our lives. Using these tools by Stephan Covey, have the participants think about these questions: If You could do one thing on a regular basis to make a tremendous positive difference in your life, what would it be? How can ou make this happen? 6. Readings Black, Claudia, Double Duty: Dual Dynamics with the Chemically Dependent Home (New York: Ballantine Books, 1990). Coles, R., J. Hallowell-Coles, Women of Crisis: Lives of Struggle and Hope (Reading, Mass.: Addison-Wesley Publishing Co. Inc., 1989). French, Marilyn, The War Against Women (New York: Ballantine Books, 1993). French, Marilyn, Beyond Power: On Women, Men and Morals (New York: Ballantine Books, 1985). Hay, Louise, You Can Heal Your Life (Carson, C.A.: Hay House Inc., 1987). Hay, Louise, Love Yourself, Heal Your Life Workbook (Carson, C.A.: Hay House Inc., 1991).

19 14 Jampolsky, Gerald, Out of Darkness: Into the Light: A Journal of Inner Healing (New York: Bantam Books, 1990). Jef fers, Susan, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway (New York: Ballantine Books, 1988). Rodin, Judith, Body Traps: Breaking the Binds that Keep You From Feeling Good About Your Body (1992) Terr, Lenore, To Scared to Cry: Psychic Trauma in Childhood (New York: Harper & Row Publishers, 1990).

20 15 D. SELF AWARENESS Time: 5 days 1. Introduction "Man becomes what he thinks about all day long." What a person accomplishes are the result of thoughts, images and attitudes she holds about herself and the world around her. What concepts do I hold about myself? Do the concepts limit my ability? Do I dwell on what I want to happen? Or, on what I do not want to happen? Do I feel my thoughts are negative thoughts? Replace them with positive thoughts. Becoming aware of self is a life-long process with many new discoveries about yourself as you continue to grow throughout your life span. What it means to become a person: Am I living in a way which is deeply satisfying to me and which truly expresses me? Who am I? How may I become myself? What is my goal in life? What am I striving for? What is my purpose? These are questions which every individual must ask himself at one time or another. They are old, old questions which have been asked and answered in every century of history. Yet they are also questions which every individual must ask and answer for herself, in her own way. "The good life is a process, not a state of being." It is a direction, not a destination. It involves the stretching and

21 growing of becoming more and more of one's potentialities. "It involves the courage to be."' Module Objectives At the end of the module the participants will: a. Understand the concept of self-awareness. b. Understand and recognize her value as a person. c. Understand and recognize her value as a woman. d. Understand the importance of kindness and talking positively to self. 3. Kev Points a. How_can I live a life that is deeply satisfying to me and which truly expresses me? b. Our thoughts, words, and actions shape our lives and influence our attitude and behaviour. c. Self-awareness is a life-long process. d. Self-awareness helps us to discover our choices and empower our lives. e. We can program ourselves to create successes in our lives e.g. positive self-talk. f. Self-confidence is reflected through our speech, body language, behaviours and our attitude. g. Self-awareness empowers us to set limits and assert ourselves with others. h. Celebrate life! Celebrate being a woman!

22 17 j. Financial independence is empowering and creates options for taking care of ourselves. 4. Key Questions a. What values, beliefs, systems and people shape and influence your life? b. What image or life script do you want to project to others? c. Where are you today and where would you like to be going? d. Do you believe that you have a right to your own financial independence e. What are your main economic concerns and how can yhou. address them? f. How can you use your past experiences to build on your future? g. Can you name your strengths and weakensses? h. How can you be contributing to your pain? i. Can visualizing good thoughts influence your health? j. How can we use our body language, voice, choice of words, and presence to develop confidence and assert ' ourselves? k. How can we be kinder, more gentle with ourselves? 1. Who is number one in your life?

23 18 5. Discussion, Activities & Assignments a. Take a blank card home overnight. Write how you feel about any topic. Do not put your name on the card. Go over cards with the group. b. Personal awareness exercise. Group: (1) write three personal strengths you have; (2) write three personal weaknesses. Process guidelines: (1) look for connections between strengths and weaknesses; (2) look for built-in *types" for actions that you may not have seen before. Look for things you can change. (3) Look for weaknesses inside your "strength* areas. (4) Look for strengths inside your "weakness" areas. (5) Now ask yourself if you have changed any ideas about yourself or if you have any new awareness about yourself. 6. Readings Haile, Susan, Power Communications Skills: For Women Onlv (Audiocassette Program) (Boulder, Co.: Career Track Publications, 1987). Benton, D. A., Lion's Don't Need to Roar (New York: Books, 1992). Warner Bixler, Susan, Professional Presence (New York: The Putnam Publishing Group, 1992). Beattie, Melody, The Language of Letting Go (Center City, MN: Hazelden Foundation, 1990).

24 19 Bayle-Lessick, Shiela, Elise Marqua M. Johns, Creating Choices: How Adult Children Can Turn Today's Dreams into Tomorrow's Reality (New York: Ballantine Books, 1990). Dawson, Roger, The Confident Decision-Maker (New York; William Morrow and Company Inc.:1993). Haden, Elgin Suzette, Staying Well With the Gentle Art of Self-Defence (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice Hall, 1990). Friedman, Sonya, Smart Cookies Don't Crumble (New York: Pockett Books, 1985). Jones-Lee,Anita, Woman and Money: A Guide for the 90's (Hauppauge, N.Y.: Bàron's, 1991). Milteer, Lee, Success Self-Programming: Powerful Techniques That Create Success (Audiocassette Program) (Boulder, Co.: Career Track Publications, 1990). Morrisey, George, Creating Your Future (San Francisco: Berrett-Kochler Publishers, 1992). Rivers, Carol, Rosalind Barnett, Grace Barwich, Beyond Sugar and Spice. How Women Grow. Learn and Thrive (New York: Ballantine Books, 1979). Simonton, Carl, Stephanie Matthews-Simonton, James Creighten, Getting Well Again (Toronto: Bantam Books, 1980). Stearns-Kaiser, Ann, Coming Back: Rebuilding Lives After Crisis and Loss (New York: Ballantine Books, 1992).

25 20 E. WELLNESS AND RECOVERY Time: 10 days 1. Introduction An important aspect to individual health is one's relationship to the community. It gives life meaning. Loss of meaning can cause disease. Two factors that affect a person's health are: first, relationship of the person to her culture; and second, a person's relationship with other people (need to be needed; self need). A need is something which is absolutely vital to life on the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level. Some common needs are: (a) physical: air, water u food, shelter, clothing; (b) emotional: love, acceptance, understanding, control, discipline, privacy; (c) mental: thought, habit, ideas, concepts, training; (d) spiritual: hope, belief, awareness. Failure of our environment to provide nourishment produces unsatisfied hunger. We then struggle desparately to find food to satisfy this hunger and this often leads to unusual types of behaviours. If we still fail to find fulfillment we die emotionally or we may stop growing at a certain level of our development. Emotions come from our unmet needs which often leads to frustration, anger, and in many cases, diseases. Results of studies show that if there is something in our life, an unmet need, and we have the inability to

26 21 deal with it, the unmet need often results in a disease. Some examples of unmet needs that may cause disease are: (a) touching; (b) companionship; (c) need to share inner feelings; (d)" need to express creative energy; (e) sexual fulfillment; (f) validation; (g) need to give and receive love. Healthy people are in a sense, more selfish because they are taking time to meet their needs. Pay respect to the body and its needs. 2. Module Obiectives At the end of this module participants will: a. Understand what is meant by co-dependency. b. Understand the relationship between family/self/community and work. c. Understand caretaking and appropriate boundaries. 3. Key Points a. Feeling safe and free to relax and be yourself is core to the healing process. b. It is important that each of us find a safe and secure place to enable the healing process to begin. Creating privacy and creating a ritual for establishing our

27 22 safety can help us to relax. For example, holding a favorite article, having tea or lighting a candle. C. Creating inter-dependence is a healthy part of being human. A support system is made up of individuals whe help you feel good about yourself and can offer. assistance. They believe in you and can bolster your values, beliefs, strengths and goals. d. Therapy (there are many different kinds) can help a person to heal, by providing insight, hope, information and a safe environment for talking. e. It is important to feel comfortable with a therapist and know what you want when you are looking for a potential therapist. f. Feeling overwhelmed is a normal part of the healing process. It is a good idea to have a plan if crisis erupts, i.e. emergency numbers, relaxation techniques, and contact list of supportive people. g. Developing healthy coping mechanisms is a learned skill. When learned, it can - lifestyle. become part of a healthy h. Raising your self-esteem and developing healthy boundaries can break the cycle of abusive relationships. i. Getting used to healthy relationshipss takes work and requires change. Seing afraid of change is natural; it is important to pace ourselves so we feel comfortable

28 23 with the new "us". j. Emotional, psychological, physical and verbal abuse Can undermine our confidence and erode our self-esteem. k. Breaking the silence that has surrounded us can open doors for healing. 1. Being your own best friend is one of the great gifts you can give yourself. m. Learning to manage your finances gives you the freedom to take control of your own environment. n. Stories from our people and learning about our culture can be healthy and inspirational ways to establish our beliefs and values. o. Different cultures have different values and beliefs. Learning about other cultures can enable us to have a better understanding of others. p. Wellness and recovery involves protecting yourself; being more assertive; becoming more effective, less vulnerable to manipulation and confusion; nurturing your self-confidence and self-esteem; and loving yourself. 4. Key Questions a. What are boundaries? b. How can you create a safe place and establish your ground rules? c. What should a support system include, i.e. therapy,

29 24 friends, phone list for hard times, crisis plan and things to nurture yourself? d. Where have you come from and where do you want to go? e. How do we learn to trust ourselves? What messages do we receive when were are feeling violated? f. How can we recognize, stop and confront harassers? g. What is a healthy family? h. Confrontations and interactions with our past: are they necessary and how can we come to terms with our past as part of our recovery? i. How is love supposed to feel? j. What is a misogynist? What are some of the typical tactics and behaviours of a misogynist? k. Are you ready to go on a journey of self-discovery? 1. How can you keep your motivation high and be the best that you can be? 5. Discussion, Activities & Assignments The following workbooks are excellent sources of workshop material for personal growth and group discussions. Laura Davis, The Courage to Heal Workbook (New York: Harper & Row Publishers, 1990). Pia Mellody and Andrea Wells Miller, Breaking Free: A Recovery Workbook for Facing Co-Dependence (New York: Harper Collins Publisher, c1989, 1993).

30 25 a. Settinig "boundaries" are important tools for establishing our mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health. Using the book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin by Ann Katherine complete Exercise 1.1, 1.2, 1.3 or pages 8,9 and 10 with the group. Start a group discussion on boundaries based on what the participants learned from doing these exercises. b. Set some lectures by Elders, respected community members, and professionals on healthy lifestyles. c. Take a walk in nature and enjoy the gifts offered by Mother Earth. d. Engage in role-playing which displays various forms of harassment. Ask the group for their advice on how to deal with this situation. e. Do role-playing involving self, family and community (representative) e.g. resolving conflict, reintegrating self with the family, reintegrating self and family with the community, discerning social values and norms within the family and the community, etc. f. Do role-playing to establish personal boundaries e.g. establishing boundaries with spouse and family members; establishing personal boundaries in the workplace among staff, between clients and workers, etc. g. Have group discussions around co-dependency e.g. how do you recognize these relationships. Have the group write short scripts (one-page) for role-playing co-dependency

31 26 roles, etc. 6. Readings Crnkovich, Mary, Gossip: A Spoken History of Women in the North (Ottawa: Canadian Arctic Resources Committee, 1990). Davis, Laura, Ellen Brass, The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Abuse (New York: Harper and Row, 1988). Davis, Laura, The Courage to Heal Workbook: For Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse (New York: Harper & Row Publishers, c1990, 1994). Engel, Beverly, The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself (New York, Ballantine Books, 1992). Evans, Patricia, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond to it (Holbrook, Mass.: Bob Adams Inc., 1992). Forward, Susan, Men Who Hate Women and The Women Who Love Them (Toronto: Bantam Books, 1986). Katherine, Anne, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin (New York, A Fireside/Parkside Recovery Book, 1991). Kaye, Yvonne, Cash, Credit and Co-Dependency: The Monev Connection (Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications Inc., 1991). Langelan, Martha, Back Off! How to Confront and Stop Sexual Harrasment and Harassers (New York: Fireside-Simon &

32 27 Schuster Inc., 1993). MacKinnon Catharine, Sexual Harassment of Working Women (New Haven and London: Yale University Press, 1979). McGinnis, Alan Loy, Bringing Out the Best in People (Minneapolis: Augsberg Publishing House, 1985). Mellody, Pia, Andrea Miller Wells, Breaking Free: A Recovery Workbook for Facing Co-Dependence (New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1989). Norwood, Robin, Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change (New York: Pocket Books, 1986). Roberts, Jeanne, Taking Care of Caregivers (Palo Alto, Ca.: Bull Publishing Company, 1991). Ross, Rubert, Dancing with a Ghost: Exploring Indian Reality (Markham, Onntario: Octopus Publishing Group, 1992). Zimbardo, Philip, Shirley Radl, The Shyness Workbook (New York: A & W Publishers, Inc., 1979).

33 28 F. GRIEVING AND COPING/SUPPORT STRATEGIES Time: 5 days 1. Introduction Grieving is a normal part of life. If the grieving process is allowed to be complete it serves a valuable purpose. If the grieving process is not complete various problems may arise. Grieving happens in circumstances other than physical death. Aboriginal traditions contain various methods to aid in the complete grieving process. 2. Module Objectives At the end of this module participants will: a. Understand the meaning and role of ceremonies and rituals which addresses many losses including death. b. Understand the stages of grieving. c. Understand how death affects our lives. 3. Key Points a. Elders speak: "I thank you Great Spirit for allowing us to call upon you in our times of need, asking you to bless these beloved people who walk in this world of your creation. Oh good Creator, help us all as we stand looking toward you in our own way." [Joe Washington, Lummi, Born Lummi

34 29 Reservation, Washington, U.S.A>] "My door is always open." [Sadie Baker, Squamish, born Cedar District, Vancouver Island, B.C.] "Our Elders speak from the heart of this land." [Minnie Peters, Nlaka'pamux/Sto:lo, born 1921, Spuzzum, B.C.] Do a lovesong to God and go within and ask for guidance and contemplate. Just be! [Josephine Lamotte-Tuharsky, born , Metis, Cadillac, Saskatchewan] b. Death completes our cycle of life on Earth and begins our life in the spirit worlds. c. Memories of our loved ones can provide strength and comfort. d. By remembering and living the values, the beliefs, and the stories of our ancestors and our loved ones we can honour them. e. When someone we love dies it changes our lives. f. It is important to seek support if we are having problems coping and/or if we are feeling poorly. g. The pain of death can be unimaginable but we can learn to cope without devaluing our relationships. We can find a way to make the death meaningful to us and without forgetting our treasured past.

35 30 4. Key Questions a. Where can you go for help when a loved one dies? b. What are the stages of grieving and what do they involve? Stage 1. Denial and Isolation. Stage 2. Anger. Stage 3. Bargaining. Stage 4. Depression. Stage 5. Acceptance. c. How can you hold on to your loved one in "healing ways"? i. keeping certain routines you shared (i.e. walking) " ii. displaying pictures, momentos iii. holding a memorial feast iv. participating in rituals, that give you a chance to interact with the memories of your loved on in a healthy way v. dedicating your successes to her/him e.g. in a book vi. acting on the values he/she gave you d. How can our Elders help us in coping with our grief? e. Do different people, cultures, and age groups react differently to death and grieving? f. What are healthy signs of learning to adjust to a death

36 31 and put it in perspective to your life? g How would our loved one have wanted us to go on living? 5. Discussion, Activities & Assignments a. Have the participants learn about " wakes" and "burial ceremonies". They may wish to talk to elders, research books, and attend ceremonies to complete this assignment. b. Discuss the five stages of grieving. c. Have the participants write stories about how the death of a loved one has affected his or hér life. d. Each morning have someone read from the book, The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie (Centre City: Hazelton Foundation, 1990), followed by five minutes of silence or quiet music. e. Hold a memorial feast in honour of people who have passed on. f. Read the Chapter, "A Death in the Family" from the book, Food and Spirits by Beth Brant, to the participants and have a discussion. g. Set up a self-help Bereavement Group. 6. Readings Beattie, Melody, The Language of Letting Go (Centre City, MN: Hazelden Foundation, 1990).

37 32 Brant, Beth, Food & Spirits (Vancouver, B.C.: Press Gang Publishers, 1991). Davis, Laura, Ellen Brass, The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Abuse (New York: Harper and Row, 1988). Davis, Laura, The Courage to Heal Workbook: For Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse (New York: Harper and Row, 1990, 1994). Davis, Laura, Allies in Healing: When the Person You Love was Sexually Abused As Child (New York: Harper Collins Publishing, 1991, 1994). Gaffney, Donna, The Seasons of Grief: Helping Children Grow Through Loss (New York: Penguin Books Canada Ltd., 1988). Garnier, Ramie, Our Elders Speak: A Tribute to Our Elders (Whiterock, B.C.: Karie Garnier, 1990). Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth, Death - The Final Stage of Growth (New York: A Touchstone Book, Simon & Schuster, Inc., 1986). Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth, Living With Death and Dving (New York: Collier Books, MacMillan Publishing Company, 1982). Kubler-Ross, Elizabeth, On Death and Dvina (New York: MacMillan Publishing Company, 1969,1970). Laidlaw, Toni Ann, Cheryl Malmo and Associates, Healing Voices - Feminist Approachess to Therapy with Women (San Francisco: ilossey-brass Inc., 1990). Rando, Therese, Grieving: How to Go on Living When Someone

38 33 You Loves Dies (Lexington, Mass.: Lexington Books, 1988). Sarnoff Schiff, Harriet, Living Through Mourning: Finding Comfort and Hope When a Loved One Has Died (New York: Viking Penguin Inc., 1986). Silman, Janet, Enough is Enough: Aboriginal Women Speak Out (Toronto: The. Women's Press, 1988). Smith, Manuel, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty (New York:- Bantam Books, 1975, 1981). Voirst, Judith, Necessary Losses (New York: Fawcett Gold Medal, Ballantine Books, 1987).

39 SOL reinicitbir h. B/ HV 8670 M Curriculum framework : Healing Lodge staff training / DATE DUE GAYLORD PRINTED IN U.S.A.

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