I live in the United States as a Filipino-American because of a decision my

Transcription

1 The Filipinization of Joanne By Joanne Danganan I live in the United States as a Filipino-American because of a decision my mother and her sisters made when they were each in their 30s to make the lives of their children better. They lived in poverty and political oppression in the Philippines province of La Union and yearned for better opportunities in all aspects of their lives: social, economical, educational, and political. My Aunt Linda was the first to petition; though it took a couple of years too long to finally emigrate, she finally was able to find a home in Ewa Beach, Hawaii, with her husband Bienvenido in Her three sisters (of eleven siblings) followed suit, including my mom Jovita. They each settled in the same house and though they each worked minimum wage jobs at various retail stores, they felt like they had finally made it. My mother petitioned for her husband Eugenio to come as soon as she arrived in the United States. Although this took a couple of more years to do, they did not hesitate to start a family to consummate their marriage. Their first child, Yvette, came in 1983 and with her came the joys of parenthood. Their second, Jenny, came quite a few years later in 1987 to make sure their parenting skills were polished enough to handle two at a time. My parents and her two other sisters Veronica and Cecilia eventually migrated to California in 1984 with their husbands and children after visiting their friends from the Philippines. My aunt Linda stayed in Hawaii. I was born a second generation Filipino-American in Oxnard, California, in 1988 in a quaint farming town an hour north from Los Angeles. Its population was predominantly Filipino, which was what attracted my mom and her sisters. This sense of

2 community away from home was what they needed in a very diverse, impersonal country. I grew up in College Estates, a neighborhood whose composition was also mostly Filipinos. It was a perfect living situation, since an elementary school, a junior high, and a high school was within walking distance. I still called College Estates and Oxnard my home. Home is what shapes my world now. My parents, my sisters, my cousins, and my aunties and uncles have helped shape my personality and the goals I have for myself. Any decision I make cannot be made in the first place if I do not consult them first. The only decision I sought no approval from my family was my decision for my major here at UCLA. Their career wish for me was to become a nurse or doctor. Though I loved the idea of having such a comfortable life, I felt that the medical field was not for me from the onset of my college career. My parents were especially prone to pushing me towards the field. I only barely realized why they preferred the medical field for their daughters: because it provides for a comfortable home in the future. The one thing they don t understand, however, is that the medical field isn t my only option. That their own careers as a certified nurse assistant and psychiatric technician and the careers of their friends as nurses make for a comfortable life shape their opinion that the medical field is the only door to a secure future. Today, I m working hard to prove them wrong. I knew I wanted to serve and work with a diversity of people, but I did not want to stick needles in their skin or sew up their wounds. I knew I wanted to interact with people on a more personal level, which is why I chose to study sociology. The doors that will open for me at the end of my college career are so numerous; the possible fields I can go into are infinite. Whereas the biology major, which I entered into UCLA as, stifled

3 me in terms of my selection of classes, sociology gave me the freedom to take other classes outside of the field. I am able to take classes that are relevant to my cultural education as a Filipino-American. Cultural education is a treasure that will be hard for me to find beyond college. In high school and prior, I hate to say that I was ashamed to be a Filipina, however. I was afraid to eat rice elsewhere but in the comfort of my own home. I never admitted to knowing how to eat kamayan (with my hands). I hated that my skin was always on the darker side compared to my classmates. I wanted to conform, and being a dark-skinned Filipina didn t help at all. This self-hatred subsided much in the latter half of high school, but the newfound love I have for my culture didn t come until my first year in college. I was unsuccessful in finding my niche at UCLA right away. I wished to make a diverse set of friends but hesitated to even volunteer for organizations like BruinCorps or to get involved with student government, which were the two main things I wanted to immerse myself in. But one fateful day, a peer counselor from Samahang Pilipino s retention project phoned me to schedule a counseling session. Phoebe had called my home phone during the summer but I was hesitant to speak to her about my college career. Throughout fall quarter, I tried to avoid making appointments with her because if I were to associate with any Filipinos on campus, I thought it might stagnate my efforts to make a cultural diverse set of friends. Towards the end of the quarter, however, I gave in and made scheduled a counseling session. To this day, I don t regret the decision to schedule it with Phoebe an amazing Pinay who paved the way for me to fully discover my Filipino culture.

4 Thanks to Phoebe, I joined UCLA s premier Filipino chorale group on campus, Tinig. My favorite mode of expression is music, but Tinig has not only provided this avenue of expression; it has also enriched my musical knowledge with cultural relevance of the music we sing. It was not coincidence, furthermore, that the administrative assistant of Samahang Pilipino s retention project was Tinig s assistant director. Emily approached me about the project s internship program that was to be held during the winter quarter. My ardor to learn more about the program itself impressed Emily, and she was convinced I would make a good intern. Winter quarter of my first year was quite possibly the best one thus far. I was accepted as one of the interns for SPEAR and was immersed with so many other Filipinos whose enthusiasm for culture mirrored what I yearned to reach. My hesitation to surround myself with other Filipinos is incomprehensible to me today, for I cannot imagine going through college without them. Many of the friends I have today are friends I ve made during my last winter quarter. What we each have in common is a certain characteristic of our childhood: our first generation parents wanted us to assimilate with the American culture and so taught us very little of the Filipino culture. Our parents did not speak to us in Tagalog or educate us about our own Filipino history and heritage. In this way, I believe we Samahang college students are making history by reversing this generation s cultural ignorance and immersing ourselves in our own culture. We can therefore pass this on to the generations to come, something our own parents were not compelled to do. I am currently considering minoring in Asian American Studies for this purpose. It is rare to be able to take classes whose content directly relates to my beautiful Filipino

5 culture. To immerse myself with other Filipinos is enough to learn about my own culture, but to be lectured about the culture by an Asian American scholar is a once-in-alifetime opportunity that I cannot pass up. Learning about my culture here at UCLA brings me closer to home. It bridges the generation gap between my parents and I, and I only wish to pass this on to my sisters to bridge their gaps as well. My parents positive outlook on assimilation has affected me in so many ways, but it has only given me a bigger push to learn as much about my culture as I can.